Getting to Know You
by Caskett1960
Summary: Season 5, set between 'After the Storm' and 'Still.' The early days of Castle and Beckett's new relationship. Most of this will be fluffy, but there will be some serious discussions also.
1. In the Early Morning Hours

**DISCLAIMERS: 'Castle' is the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Studios Productions. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **TITLE: Getting to Know You**

 **RATING: M**

 **SUMMARY: Season 5, set between 'After the Storm' and 'Still.' The early days of Castle and Beckett's new relationship. Most of this will be fluffy, but there will be some serious discussions also.**

 **A/N #1: I know I've written about this subject before, but this time I want to approach it from a different angle. I want to write about the giddiness and joy of being in a new relationship.**

 **A/N #2: The first chapter will go slightly AU after Beckett's confrontation with Bracken at the end of 'After the Storm.' There will be 10 chapters in all. Spoilers for 'After the Storm' in this chapter.**

 **A/N #3: This story is complete, so I will be posting a chapter every other day.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 1: In the Early Morning Hours**

Due to the complexities of her job and the often early morning phone calls about body drops, Kate Beckett had always been a light sleeper. Her brain always remained on high alert even when her body was at rest. This was one reason why she didn't like sharing her bed with lovers. They didn't understand why she didn't sleep soundly. Or why, after sex, she was more apt to be wide awake and wired instead of sated and sleepy.

She had been with Castle for two days now. A lot had happened in two short days. Besides the fact that she and Castle had been spending a lot of that time getting to know each other a lot better, they had discovered the name of the person who had ordered the hit on her mother. His name was William Bracken and he was a United States Senator. Which made him untouchable in the eyes of the law.

Kate had approached the senator earlier and had threatened him by exposing the contents of a file that she didn't really have. A file that a man by the name of Michael Smith was supposed to have possession of. Only Smith was now dead and the file blown to smithereens. But Kate knew the number of the account that Bracken's hush money had been wired to and that had been enough to bluff him into backing off. At least for the time being. She wasn't sure how long her bluff was going to last before Bracken figured out that she didn't have anything and he sent his goons after her.

Now here she was lying in bed beside the man who had pursued her for the better part of four years. The man who only days before had told her that he was right there, just waiting for her to open her eyes to see. Now she turned on her side to watch him while he slept. She was sure that he'd done it that first night they'd spent together. In fact, she knew that he had because she'd woke up sometime in the early hours of that morning to find him watching her with a dopey grin on his face.

The sheet had slipped down his body leaving his back and ass deliciously bare. Kate thought that he had a truly gorgeous ass. She lightly trailed her fingers down his back, watching his muscles ripple at her touch. She swept her hair back and bent down to follow the motions of her fingers with her lips and tongue. She heard him groan before he slowly rolled over and smiled at her, reaching out and pulling her down to his chest, his arms warm around her, holding her securely against him. "You can't get enough, huh?" He teased, reaching up and pushing her hair behind her ear.

"No. You're like a wonderfully addictive drug. I never want to get enough of you," her lips closed over his, his mouth opening to her tongue as they kissed, slowly and languidly, taking their time for once.

"I have to leave for a few hours this morning," he murmured against her mouth. "I have to take Alexis and my mother to the airport."

"Oh, Alexis' graduation present. I almost forgot. How long will they be gone?"

"Three weeks. But we'll have the loft to ourselves once they're gone. We won't have to hide," he softly stroked her neck, glad to see that her bruises were finally starting to fade slightly.

"I know that you don't like hiding, Castle. Neither do I. If I hadn't agreed to the suspension, we could tell everybody. Do you mind if I ask what's wrong with staying here?"

"I have a better bathtub," he answered, looking at her as if the answer was obvious.

"A better bathtub? That's the best that you can come up with?"

"I have food," he kissed her neck. "Food that hasn't expired."

"Keep talking."

"I want to share my home with you."

"That's so sweet," she cupped her face and softly kissed him. "I'll pack a few things while you're gone. Text me when you get back to the loft."

"The hell with that. I'm coming to pick you up when I leave the airport."

"Okay," her smile was huge.

***CCC***

Castle's graduation gift to Alexis had been a 21-day European tour. Their first stop was going to be London, followed by Paris, Rome, and finally Madrid before she and Martha returned to New York in time for Alexis to get ready to begin college in the fall. Castle had hired a town car to take the three of them to JFK. He walked inside with them, stopping short of the security checkpoint. "You have everything, right?" He asked her.

"Dad, I've got everything that I need. I've got money, I've got my passport and I've got my phone. I promise that I will call you if I need anything."

"Keep your grandmother out of trouble," he warned her.

"Darling, I'll be fine," Martha kissed Richard on the cheek. "You make sure that you keep out of trouble and don't do anything that I wouldn't do. We'll see you in three weeks."

"Have fun," Castle hugged Alexis tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too, dad. Thank you so much for the trip."

"You're welcome. Call me when you arrive at your hotel. If I don't answer, just text me to let me know you arrived safely."

"Do you plan to be away from your phone, darling?" Martha arched an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Well, I have some writing to do and you know how I get when I'm in the zone," Castle was quick to cover his tracks.

"Uh-huh," Martha gave him a funny look before turning to her granddaughter. "Come along, sweetheart. We have a plane to catch."

Walking back out to the car, Castle wondered if his mother had seen Kate duck into the closet that morning. 'Nah,' he finally convinced himself, getting into the backseat of the car and giving his driver the address of Kate's apartment.

***CCC***

Kate had thrown a few items of clothing into a small suitcase and was now in the bathroom, packing her makeup bag. She looked in the mirror, wincing when she saw the still visible reminders of her battle with Maddox. The battle that had led her to seek Castle out and finally pour her heart and soul out to him.

Her skin flamed hot and she bit down on her lower lip when she remembered that first night. Their first round had been hot and heavy, but the second round a short time after the first had been much slower. Castle had taken his time learning every inch of her, not allowing her to hide her scars when she tried to. She'd been satisfied with letting him take the lead the past two days, but now she wanted an opportunity to learn him the way that he was learning her.

Castle rang her doorbell shortly before twelve, smiling when she opened the door with a huge smile on her face. "Are you ready to go? The car's downstairs."

"Yeah, just let me grab my bag."

"No, I've got it," he stepped in and picked up her small suitcase.

"Thank you, Castle," she followed him out of the apartment and locked the door behind her.

Kate had been a guest in Castle's large loft a number of times, even spending a few nights after Scott Dunn had blown her apartment up several years before. But this was the first time she'd been in his home when his mother and daughter weren't also present. "Come on, I'll show you where you can put your things," he motioned for her to follow him into his bedroom. "When I came home to get Alexis and mother, I took the time to make some room in my closet and the bathroom for you."

"Did they ask where you've been the last couple of nights?" She asked him.

"I told them I was helping with a case and catching catnaps at the precinct. They don't know anything about your suspension."

"Thank you for clearing space for me," she smiled, walking over and wrapping her arms around him, feeling him hug her tightly.

"You're welcome," his chin rested on the top of her head. "Can I ask you a question?"

"What's on your mind?" She pulled away, eyeing him suspiciously.

"What happened last night with Bracken? All you told me and the boys was that you reached an understanding. When I woke up and found you gone, I thought that you were going to kill him, Kate."

"That was my original intent," she admitted, watching Castle close his eyes. "But when I confronted him, I thought of you. I meant it when I told you that I just want you. I also meant what I said last night when I told you that I was going to get Bracken. I don't know how and I don't know when, but I'm going to get him. And I want you with me when I take him down. Okay, Castle?"

"Okay," he smiled down at her. "I was thinking that I could make us some lunch and then we can relax this afternoon. Maybe watch some TV or do some reading," he teased, remembering what they'd talked about the morning after making love for the first time.

"I would love to do some relaxing with you."

"Come on," he took her hand and pulled her back into the main living area. "Let me see what we have in the refrigerator." He walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door, peering inside at the contents. "How about omelets?"

"Omelets sound great. Do you need help?"

"You're my guest," he smiled at her as he began pulling ingredients out of the fridge and placing them on the counter.

"Castle, point me to the knives. I can help cook us breakfast or lunch."

"The knife block is right behind you," he pointed to a knife block on the opposite counter.

Kate chopped various vegetables while Castle mixed the eggs and chopped up ham and bacon. He then took out an omelet pan and placed it on the stove to heat. Once the pan was hot enough, he poured the eggs and added the meats while Kate added tomatoes, peppers, onions and mushrooms. Once the omelets were cooked, he poured them each a cup of coffee and took a bottle of orange juice from the fridge. "Oh, this is good, Castle," Kate closed her eyes when she took a bite of her omelet.

"When Alexis was little, she wanted omelets every morning for a while. I had to get pretty good at making them. We experimented with some weird combinations, but the tried and true are still her favorite."

"These are almost as good as my mom's."

"Wow, I'm going to take that as quite a compliment," he smiled.

"He was so smug, Castle," she said. He put down his fork to listen to her. "That's why I hit him. He told me that nobody was going to take the word of a disgraced cop over a state senator. How did he know I'd been suspended?" She suddenly asked. "It's not like Gates took out an ad."

"He's keeping tabs on you?" Castle guessed.

"He must be. I'm taking him down, Castle, if it's the last thing that I ever do. Smith never told you what was in the file that Roy sent him?"

"No," Castle shook his head. "I can't help thinking that if Roy had sent that file just one day earlier, we wouldn't be having to face down a senator."

"Castle, I'll understand if you want out. After all, you have your mother and Alexis to think about—"

"Kate, no," he took her hand in his. "I'm the one who started this. If I hadn't asked for that file—"

"Rick, stop," she stood up and moved between his legs. "I don't have any regrets about anything that has happened over the last three years. Well, except for Roy's death. I don't even have regrets about my shooting, anymore. We are going to get him. There has to be a way. There has to be something that we're missing. For now, let's enjoy my time off," she slid her hands down to the collar of his shirt before moving closer and kissing him.

"I'm going to clean up in here. On one of the bookshelves in my office, I have a bunch of DVD boxed sets. Go pick out something for us to binge watch," he stood up, giving her another kiss before picking up their plates and going into the kitchen.

Kate made her way into Castle's office, smiling as she looked around. She couldn't believe that she was actually able to look around his office. Sure she'd been in here before, but this was the first time that she could indulge one of her fantasies. Two bookshelves were filled with books, his own and those of his friends, Patterson, Connelly, and Lehane. The other shelves were filled with CD's and DVD's. Kate perused the titles, smiling at his tastes in TV shows. She finally took out Season 1 of 'Lost' and returned to the living room. "Ah, the mysterious island," Castle walked over to her. "The lady has excellent taste. I'll make some popcorn."

Castle made a huge bowl of popcorn and grabbed a couple of sodas from the refrigerator before taking Kate's hand and leading her over to the sofa. He put the DVD in the player before coming over and settling against the arm of the sofa, stretching his legs out and pulling Kate down against his chest. He then picked up the remote and started the DVD, pressing 'Play All' before tossing the remote over to the table.

Resting against Castle's chest, Kate felt the most relaxed that she'd felt in a long time, even with the threat of Bracken hanging over her. It was nice to be able to watch TV with someone without having to worry about a phone call regarding a body drop. She fully intended to enjoy every second of the next week. She snuggled closer into Castle's chest, smiling when he lightly trailed his fingers over her abdomen. She squirmed against him, feeling him start to harden. She turned over so that she was facing him, her smile wide as she kissed him, her fingers reaching down to the front of his jeans and rubbing him with her fingers. "Wh. . . what are you doing?" He finally managed to stammer. "I thought that we were going to watch TV."

"Castle, do you really want to watch TV when we could be doing this instead?" She sat up and pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor before reaching down and unclasping her bra, throwing it to the floor as well.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he said, bringing his hands up to cup her breasts in his hands, his palms rubbing against her nipples. He frowned when she grabbed his hands and pulled them over his head. "What . . . was I doing something wrong?"

"Not a thing," she gave him a devilish grin before sliding down his legs and unbuttoning his jeans and tugging, giving him a look that told him to lift his hips so that she could pull his jeans down his legs. She stood up and removed them the rest of the way, letting them fall to the floor with her discarded clothes. His shirt was the next to go, leaving him clad in black silk boxers, which did little to hide the evidence of his growing erection.

Moving up so that she covered his body, Kate's lips met his, their tongues clashing in a mad duel. "I think kissing you is my new favorite thing to do," he gasped when they broke apart.

"Really? Then you're going to really love what I'm about to do," she gave him another wide smile before kissing down his bare chest to the elastic waistband of his boxers. He let out a low groan of pleasure when she gently nipped his stomach, a groan that grew even louder when she reached her hand into his boxers, wrapping her hand around his growing erection.

"Beckett," her name came out like a whispered oath when she replaced her hand with her mouth, her tongue swirling around the tip before she moved further down on him.

The first night they were together, she'd gone down on him, but he'd stopped her before reaching the point of no return. Kate had no intention of stopping this time around. He'd shown her how talented he was with his lips and tongue, so she was out to return the favor. He arched his hips and grabbed the sides of the sofa as she continued working her magic on him. "Kate, please?" He begged as she smiled around him.

"Hmmm?" She hummed around his length, which earned her another groan and a few new curse words.

"I'm not going to last long."

"That's the whole point, Castle," she removed her mouth from him, but continued stroking him with her hand, moving the way that he'd guided her their first night together.

"Kate, no," he started to sit up, but she pushed him back down.

"Yes, Castle. It's okay," she smiled. "Believe me, it turns me on, too. Relax and enjoy it."

She licked a stripe up one side of his cock and down the other before taking him in deeply once again, using her hand to stroke him while she ministered to him. She moved her hand down to his balls, rolling them in her hand and smiling against him when she felt his hands tangling into her hair, holding her closer to him. She felt him tighten up, a sign that he was getting ready to come, yet he was still holding back. "Castle, let go. Believe me, if I didn't want you to do it, I'd tell you," she once again took him in deeply, pumping deeper and faster until he finally came with a loud cry.

His heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest when he finally felt Kate sliding back up his body, kissing a path along the way. He finally managed to open his eyes to find her looking at him with a very self-satisfied grin on her face. "Just so you know, that was . . . awesome. As soon as I get blood flowing back to my brain, I'll be far more coherent. But that was . . . wow," his body released another aftershock as Kate buried her face in his shoulder, chuckling against his bare skin.

"And to think I haven't even used ice cubes, yet," she lifted her head, her eyes bright and shining.

"If you use ice cubes, you're liable to kill me," he brushed her hair back from her face. "I think before this week is over, I'm going to make love to you in every room and on every surface of this loft."

"Not every room, I hope."

"God no," he looked at her, mortified. "I should say every room in the downstairs portion of the loft."

"It's all right, Castle. I knew what you meant."

"Would it be awful of me to say that I'm glad that Maddox almost threw you off of that roof?"

"Well, I was going to come over for a John Woo marathon, remember? That is, before we had that awful fight."

"Do you think we would've got together and done things other than watch John Woo movies if you'd come over that night?" His fingers stroked her bare back.

"Probably. We would've had the loft to ourselves, so the chances were pretty high. Can we be serious for just a minute, though?"

"Sure," he sat up as she curled up beside him. "What's on your mind?"

"We don't need to talk about it now, but I need to warn you that I suffer from episodes of PTSD. I don't want to freak you out when it happens."

"I knew about the PTSD, Kate. And we'll deal with it, okay? You're not going to scare me off."

"I'm glad, because this is where I need to be. You're where I've always needed to be; I was just too damn stubborn to see it."

"Well, you're here now and we're going to work through things together."

"Good," she moved closer and kissed him, moaning when his fingers began to caress her bare breasts. "You were saying something this morning about your spectacular bathtub."

"You want to see it now?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm just getting started," she stood up and held her hand out to him. "Are you coming, Castle?"

"Oh, yeah. The answer to that one is most definitely."

 **A/N #4: This story is going to have a lot of M-rated stuff in it, so if it isn't your cup of tea, skip it until my next story.**

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	2. Demons in the Night

**DISCLAIMERS: Nope, still not mine.**

 **SUMMARY: Castle gets a firsthand look at Beckett's PTSD and he gets her to go out of the city with him.**

 **A/N #1: I'm writing this as if Castle took Beckett to the Hamptons during her suspension, instead of what was depicted in 'Murder, He Wrote.'**

 **A/N #2: Wow! The response to Chapter 1 was great! Thank you, everybody who followed, favorited or sent reviews. To the guest reviewer who accused me of writing Beckett as cheesy and weak, I apologize. That has never been my intent. I also want to thank Missy52061 who pointed out to me that Bracken was a US Senator and not a State Senator, although in Chapter 1, I did state that he was a United States Senator.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 2: Demons in the Night**

" _Actually, Det. Beckett, we know exactly what we're up against," Cole Maddox's cold eyes looked down at Kate, where she dangled from the edge of the rooftop from which he'd just tossed her like she was the rag doll that she played with when she was a little girl._

 _Grasping the edge of the roof, Kate expected her adversary to step up and stomp on her fingers to get her to let go. Instead he turned and calmly walked away._

 _Kate could feel her fingers slipping. "No, not like this," she grunted, swinging her legs desperately. Suddenly one hand slipped, followed seconds later by the other one. Kate could feel the scream die in her throat as she plummeted toward the concrete below._

It was the kick that first alerted Castle that something was wrong. But then the first kick was followed seconds later by another kick and then he could hear Kate, desperately calling his name. He sat up and looked at her as she thrashed in the tangled sheets, her arms flailing and her legs kicking out, landing repeated blows to his shins. He reached over and turned on the lamp before gently reaching out to awaken his girlfriend. He smiled as the thought of Kate as his girlfriend entered his consciousness. "Kate?" He whispered her name, slowly reaching out and touching her shoulder.

"No!" Her left fist connected with his shoulder with enough force to knock him off of the bed. He fell into the nightstand, sending the lamp to the floor with a crash that woke Beckett up from her dreams. "Castle? Oh my god, are you all right?" She jumped out of bed and ran around to his side of the bed, holding out her hand and helping him to his feet. "I'm so sorry. Shit!"

"Kate, it's all right. I'm okay. I guess I shouldn't have touched you, but you were calling out my name and—"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," she ran a hand through her hair, her eyes darting back and forth between Castle, who was now sitting on the bed rubbing his shoulder and the opened door to his bedroom.

Knowing what she was thinking, he made a move to try to dissuade her from running from him, from what was now happening in his bedroom in the middle of the night. "Kate, it's okay. Talk to me. Please talk to me."

"I . . . I can't, Castle," she turned and ran from the room.

"Beckett!" Castle got up and walked into the living room, where he found Kate pacing crazily around his living room, tears streaming down her face. "Kate?" He walked over and attempted to pull her close, only to have her push him away.

"I didn't . . . I didn't . . . Fuck!" She screamed out in frustration. "I didn't want you to see me like this, Castle! I'm so fucked up!" Her breath came out in harsh hiccups as she wiped at her wet face. "This is why I couldn't let you know what I heard the day that I got shot. I was so messed up. I couldn't move from Josh right to you because it wouldn't be fair to you. I should've told you why instead of lying to you. And I'm so sorry."

"That's okay," he reached out for her hand, letting his breath out when she allowed him to take it and guide her over to the sofa. "Talk to me, Kate. I'm not going to judge."

"I know. You need to know anyway, if we're going to be together. You need to know what to look for. I have awful dreams, Rick. Before Maddox threw me off of the roof, my dreams were about that day in the cemetery. Only this time . . . only this time, he shoots you, Castle. But since the roof, I dream that Ryan doesn't get there in time. He doesn't get there and I fall . . . I wake up before I hit the ground."

"Can I ask when it started?"

"I think that it started while I was in the hospital, but I was so doped up, but that I didn't realize that there was something wrong. But when I was at my father's cabin, I'd be outside walking and I'd hear a twig snap and almost jump out of my skin. Every noise set me on edge. That's one reason why I came back to the city before I was scheduled to. But at first, being back in the city wasn't any better. It was too busy and too loud."

"Is the city still too much for you?"

"Sometimes," she admitted. "But Dr. Burke has helped a lot."

"That's your therapist?" He confirmed as she nodded. "So, you like him?"

"Yeah, I do. He's very upfront with me and you know better than anybody that's what I need sometimes."

"Sometimes?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"All right, all of the time. I talked to him a lot about you."

"Really?"

"I've wanted to be with you for so long, but I was conflicted. He convinced me that I wasn't ready and then when I finally was ready, you changed. You started acting so cold and I didn't understand why. One day Burke told me that maybe you changed because you got tired of waiting for me."

"That's not what happened," he got up and walked toward the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and peering inside. "When did he tell you that?"

"I don't know. About a month ago, I guess. It was after you showed up at our crime scene with that flight attendant in your Ferrari."

"Do you remember the bombing at Boylan Plaza?"

"Yeah, how can I forget?"

He walked over with two bottles of water and handed one to Kate. "You were interrogating this kid and I was standing in the ob room. You told him about being shot in the chest and how you remembered every single second."

"Oh god, Castle. You heard me? Why didn't you confront me? Is that what you were talking about that night in my apartment when you wanted me to walk away from the case?"

"I wanted to confront you, Kate, but instead I acted stupid and childish. I understood what you were telling me that day at the swings. I knew that you were telling me that you wanted to be with me, but you had to get stronger first. I just didn't understand why you didn't just admit to me that you heard me that day in the cemetery."

"I was scared. I was so fucked up, Castle. And it was so much worse than I initially thought it was. I couldn't tell you that I wanted to be with you when I was still so broken. That wouldn't have been fair to either of us. I've wanted to be with you for such a long time," she put her hand on his knee, softly stroking his leg.

"How long is a long time?" He couldn't help goading her.

"Since that evening in L.A."

"You almost came to me?" He guessed as she nodded. "Why didn't you?"

"Because I was with Josh and even though I knew that it wasn't really working, I couldn't cheat on him."

"I waited for you to come out of your room. But I understand your reasons. Besides, you were mourning Royce and it wouldn't have been the right time. But it would've been great," once again he waggled his eyebrows at her as she started laughing.

"Yeah, it would've been great," she smiled shyly, biting her lower lip.

"Come on, let's go back to bed," he stood up and took her hand.

Kate allowed Castle to lead her back into the bedroom and into bed, where he then climbed in behind her, dragging the comforter over the two of them before he spooned himself around her. She drifted off to sleep with the feel of Castle's arms around her waist and his lips brushing against the back of her neck.

***CCC***

When Kate opened her eyes the next morning, Castle's side of the bed was empty. And cold. Apparently he'd been up for a while. She was surprised that he'd got up. Since they'd started this new relationship, she'd been waking up to find him beside her, usually staring at her creepily while she slept.

She threw the covers back and got up, padding out of the bedroom on bare feet. She smiled when she spotted Castle in the kitchen. "Hey, good morning," he greeted her cheerfully. "I was going to cook breakfast and let you sleep in."

"I was surprised to wake up and not find you staring at me with a dopey grin on your face," she teased, walking behind him and playfully pinching his ass before grabbing a cup from the cabinet. "How long have you been up?"

"About an hour. I talked to Mother and Alexis on Skype."

"How are they?"

"They are wonderful. They're going to be in Paris for the next couple of days before heading to Rome."

"I'm glad that they're having a good time. What did you want to do today?" She walked up beside him and gently nudged him with her hip.

"I was thinking about something that you said earlier. About how the city still is sometimes too much for you. I was wondering how you would feel about getting out of the city for a few days and coming to the Hamptons with me? I know that you were upset when my ex-wife interfered the last time that I invited you."

"I wasn't upset," she protested.

"Kate, you were hurt. It was written all over your face. And it was evident when you arrested me after you found me—"

"Okay, so I was a little hurt," she admitted with an eye roll.

"So, will you come to the Hamptons with me? We can drive up later this morning, stay for a few days and then come back to the city before you have to return to work."

"I need to go to my apartment first and get some beach appropriate clothes. Let me do that and I'll meet you back here in an hour. Okay?" She lifted up on her toes to press a kiss to his lips.

"Okay."

After quickly throwing some clothes on, Kate took a cab to her apartment where she filled a second small suitcase with clothes more appropriate to the beach than to lounging around Castle's loft. She then returned to the loft where she found Castle also throwing a few things together. The last thing he packed was his laptop, which he placed on top of his small suitcase. "Do you keep clothes at the other house?" Kate asked from her perch on the edge of his bed.

"My mother and Alexis do. I keep some toiletries out there, but I usually just pack what clothes I want to take. Are you ready?" She nodded, following him out of the loft and down to the parking garage where he unlocked his Ferrari, throwing his bag into the back, smiling when she followed suit before getting into the passenger seat.

They made small talk during the two-hour drive. It was a nice day and Castle drove with the top down on the car. Kate couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this relaxed, this free from worries. They reached Southampton shortly after noon. Castle watched Kate as she took in the sights of the small town. "We'll be at the house in about 15 or 20 minutes. Mother went grocery shopping about a week ago, so we won't need to buy any food."

"It's a beautiful town."

"Yeah, it is. And the people are great. I'm glad that you agreed to come with me, Kate."

"Thank you for inviting me."

Castle had noticed in the last several days since their relationship had changed that there were times when Kate was rather shy with him. While he found it endearing, he hoped to bring her further out of her protective shell while they were out of the city. He'd longed to show her his Hamptons home since he'd issued that first invitation two years before. To have her with him in this capacity was a dream come true for him. "So, did you pack bikinis?" He teased.

"Maybe," she teased back.

"The pool is somewhat secluded," he snuck a glance at her. "You're welcome to skinny dip, if that's more your speed."

"Who knows, Ricky?" Her smile and voice were so seductive that he almost drove off of the road. "I might take you up on that. But, for now, keep your eyes on the road."

"Eyes on the road. Right," he swallowed thickly before turning off of the road up a long driveway.

Kate watched as the house gradually came into view. It reminded her of the New England style houses that you'd see on Cape Cod or Martha's Vineyard. It definitely wasn't anything like she expected. She'd expected something opulent, something more befitting to a bestselling mystery writer. She was pleasantly surprised at how unpretentious the house appeared from the outside. "Wow, Castle," she breathed out as he got out of the car and came around to open her door for her. "Are you rich or something?"

"Well, I'm not James Patterson rich, but I do okay. Come on, I'll show you around inside."

He took her hand and unlocked the front door before leading her inside. The entryway was airy and spacious with the living spaces on the right and the stairway to the left. Kate looked around her in awe, smiling at the photographs she saw on the wall leading to the stairs and then on the wall leading upstairs. "This is beautiful, Castle. It's not exactly what I was expecting."

"What were you expecting? A huge mansion with a moat?"

"Something like that," she laughed.

"My bedroom is downstairs, but I wanted to show you the whole house. When I bought it, I had it completely remodeled. It took almost two years before it was even livable. And I thought that I was done, but then my decorator told me that I needed to tie in the downstairs to the upstairs," he continued rambling as he led Kate back down the stairs.

Following him, Kate's mind started to race. He'd told her that he slept in the downstairs bedroom at the loft to maximize his privacy, even though his bookshelves didn't provide a great deal of that, in Kate's opinion. She knew from experience that Castle's primary concern was protecting Alexis. He told her that he rarely ever brought women home, especially when his daughter was small. And he said that he had an agreement with Martha about bringing people home. Apparently he didn't want to expose his daughter to the environment he'd sometimes been exposed to as a boy.

But Kate knew that the Hamptons crowd was sometimes a party crowd. She couldn't help but wonder how many women Castle had entertained in his beach house. For some reason, she found herself feeling jealous. "I want to show you my favorite part of the house," Castle walked over to the back door and opened them wide. "A view of the ocean and complete privacy. There's no one around for miles. Are you coming, Kate?" He looked at her, noticing that she was still looking around.

"Uh, yeah," she turned and followed him outside, looking at the vista that met her. He was right. It was truly beautiful. "It's spectacular, Castle," she said quietly, her eyes meeting his.

"And that's a problem?" He was puzzled, wondering what he'd done wrong.

"I just can't help wondering how many other girls have gotten this tour."

"Oh," he nodded, understanding her concern. "Well, I won't deny that I've brought other women here, but," he walked over to her and took her hand in his, "none of them were you." She smiled at the compliment, giving Castle an opportunity to tug her slightly off balance. "Come on, let me show you the pool."

"Okay, Castle. Show me the pool," she giggled as he led her toward the pool area.

***CCC***

After dinner that night, Castle suggested that they take a moonlight swim. He was so happy when Kate giddily agreed with him. She went into the bathroom and slipped out of her clothes, pulling on a short robe over her naked body and sliding her feet into a pair of sandals. She came out of the bathroom and was surprised to find Castle sporting a pair of swim trunks. He took her by the hand and led her outside to the swimming pool, which was shimmering in the moonlit night. "If the water's too cold, I can adjust the temperature," he turned to Kate just as she opened her robe and dropped it to her feet before kicking off her shoes, "or I can just . . . stop talking. You forgot your suit."

"I know," she giggled, shrugging her shoulders with the cutest grin on her face. "You did say that I could skinny dip. I was hoping that we could skinny dip together," she reached for his hands, tangling her fingers in his. "Lose the trunks, Castle."

She didn't have to tell him twice. He used his free hand to yank his trunks to his feet, kicking them to one side before leading her over to the pool, guiding her down the steps into the deliciously warm water. "Is it warm enough?"

"Castle, it's wonderful," she sighed before dipping down to wet her entire body. "Come on, swim with me."

She slipped her arms around his neck, holding on while he slowly walked them back toward the middle of the pool, his eyes boring into hers. Kate had always loved Rick's eyes, but it was only now that she'd spent so much time with him that she noticed how they were constantly changing. When he was aroused, which to Kate seemed to be about 90 percent of the time, they were very dark, almost black. Right now, they were a rich cobalt blue and were twinkling mischievously. Kate wondered what mischief he was up to.

She didn't have long to wait for an answer when he unceremoniously dunked her under the water. She came up spluttering, hearing his laughter as he moved further away from her. "Castle! You'd better run because when I catch you, you're a dead man!"

"You have to catch me first, Beckett!" He called from across the pool.

Pushing her wet hair from her face, she spotted Castle over by the hot tub. He climbed out of the pool when he saw her swimming toward the side. She hoisted herself out and made her way toward him as fast as she could while trying not to slide on the wet cobblestones. Just as she got to him, Castle dove into the water, but he underestimated Kate, who made a running dive and quickly caught him. He was laughing when she pushed down on his head, shoving him under the water. He came up spluttering and grabbed her, pulling her tightly against him as his mouth came down on hers, his tongue curling around hers.

Kate could feel Castle treading water as she wound all four limbs around him, still kissing him with everything she had. They finally broke apart when they needed to breathe. "Wow," she rested her forehead against his.

"Yeah, wow. Where did you learn to dive like that? That was an Olympic quality dive."

"My mom taught me to dive when I was a kid. So, you liked it, huh?" She grinned at him.

"That was definitely a perfect 10," he nodded. The breeze picked up and he felt Kate shiver slightly in his arms, despite the heated pool. "You're getting cold. Come on, let's go inside and take a shower. We'll see what comes up," he whispered in her ear.

"I think things are already coming up, Castle," she smirked, reaching down for him as he groaned.

After taking a shower and enjoying a rather heated round of sex, they curled up in bed, each tracing their fingers down the other one's damp skin. "Thank you for coming here with me, Kate," he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

"You're welcome."

"Tomorrow, I'll show you my favorite spots."

"Okay."

Holding her against him, Castle really hoped that Kate would find some peace from the dreams that kept plaguing her nights. She deserved some peace for once in her life.

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	3. Lovers and Other Strangers

**DISCLAIMERS: Unfortunately, no. I don't own 'Castle.'**

 **SUMMARY: Castle and Beckett have an interesting series of conversations while in the Hamptons. There will be a reference to the Season 2 episode 'When the Bough Breaks.' This is also an M-rated chapter.**

 **A/N #1: To the guest reviewer who said in the previous chapter that a 115-120 pound Beckett couldn't have had the strength to knock Castle off of the bed, it's amazing what adrenaline can do. Moms have been known to pull 3000 pound vehicles off of their children using the power of adrenaline.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 3: Lovers and Other Strangers**

It was just starting to get light in the bedroom when Castle awoke the next morning. He propped himself on one elbow so that he could watch Kate sleep. Watching her sleep had become his new favorite pastime. Her hair was fanned all around her, making him long to run his fingers through it. But he didn't want to wake her like that. He smiled, thinking of a much more effective way of waking her up. He felt himself becoming aroused just at the thought of it.

He slid down the length of Kate's body, pulling the sheet up over his head as he made his descent. He stopped moving when he felt her stir slightly against him. He let his breath out when her breathing once again deepened. She'd awakened him in this exact fashion their first night together and now it was time to return the favor.

Kate opened her eyes when she felt prickly beard stubble on the inside of her thighs. She smiled and reached down to card her fingers through Castle's hair, but instead, her hands landed on the sheet. Raising her head, all she could see was a lump under the white sheets. "Castle? What are you doing?"

The sheet slid back and Castle's head popped up, his hair sticking out in all directions and making Kate laugh. "If you have to ask what I'm doing—"

"Clearly you're not doing it right," she finished for him.

"I was hoping that you wouldn't wake up just yet. I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, I'm definitely surprised."

"Good," he gave her a huge grin before disappearing under the sheet once again.

Kate stretched her arms over her head, sighing deeply when she felt Castle's fingers on her thighs, nudging them apart, his lips pressing kisses to the insides of each one. Castle had proven to her during round three on their very first night together how very, very good he was at what he was doing right now. She'd always enjoyed oral sex in the past, but her other lovers paled in comparison to Castle. Her body shivered and she let a low moan at the first brush of his tongue against her. "More, Castle," she reached under the sheet for the top of his head. "Please, more."

Under the sheet, Castle grinned against her core before once again lightly brushing the tip of his tongue against her, earning another groan from Kate. Pulling back slightly, he pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves in tight circles as Kate began rocking her hips, seeking more friction, her moans getting louder and more insistent, her cries of 'Harder' and 'More' reverberating in his ears.

"Fuck, Castle!" She continued rocking her hips, but Castle put his arm across her, holding her in place. "Castle, I need you. I want you. Please get back up here and fuck me!" She felt vibrations against her swollen core, which felt like he was saying something, but the vibrations were driving her into a sexual frenzy. "Castle, did you say something? If not, could you do what you just did again?"

"You liked that, did you?" His head popped up from under the sheet, his lips wet and swollen from her.

"Oh, yeah. I've never felt _anything_ like that."

"Cool," he dove back under the sheets and went back to work on her, humming against her while his tongue rapidly flicked at her clit.

Kate reached down, seeking his hand under the sheets. Twining her fingers in his, she brought his hand up to her breast, guiding his hand over her nipple. He alternated between both of her breasts while he continued working his magic between her legs. Kate gasped when she felt him slowly enter her with first one finger and then a second one, angling them up inside of her before he hit that one spot. The spot that Kate had always heard about and read about, but never truly knew existed before she'd started having sex with Castle. "Oh shit, Castle! Fuck! Don't you dare stop!" She placed her hand over the hand that he had on her breast, squeezing it as she felt the familiar tightening in her abdomen. That coiling tension that only had one outlet.

Castle could feel her thighs trembling on either side of his head as he continued working Kate toward orgasm. She was clenching the hand that he had on her breast with a strength he hadn't known she possessed. Her cries and screams were getting louder and louder. He felt her muscles tightening up around the fingers that he had inside of her, clenching and unclenching rhythmically. Suddenly he felt the hand she'd on his hand coil into his hair, pulling him hard against her as she came with a scream that could've woke the dead. The aftershocks lasted for several minutes before she finally relaxed her hold on his hair and dropped her legs down onto the bed.

Castle loved the feeling of her fingers scratching his scalp. He placed lingering kisses to the insides of her thighs before slowly crawling up her body, kissing his way up until he reached her lips. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him, tasting herself on him and feeling the hard heat of him sandwiched between their bodies. "You're better than an alarm clock any day of the week, Mr. Castle," she reached down for him, stroking him, laughing when she watched his Adam's Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. "That was wonderful. But, guess what?"

"What?" He continued to hold himself slightly above her, trying to keep himself from coming as Kate kept stroking him slowly.

"I'm not done, yet," she guided him to her, her breath catching when he pushed himself inside of her. "Oh, that's so good, Castle. But, this is better," she hooked her leg over his hip and rolled them so that she was on top.

Castle stared up at her, slack-jawed, smiling like a love-drunk fool when she moved down and kissed him. It took her squeezing her muscles around him a few times before he finally snapped out of his trance and began thrusting up into her. He moved his hands down to her ass, playfully grabbing handfuls of her as she continued moving on him, her breath coming out in harsh gasps. "Kate, you feel so fantastic," he wrapped his arms around her and rolled them back over, pressing her into the mattress.

"So do you," she reached for him, pulling him down for a long kiss, groaning into his mouth when he lifted her legs and placed them higher on his hips, changing the angle of his thrusts, which soon became sloppier as he neared his peak. "Oh shit, Castle!"

"Let go, Kate. I've got you."

Kate had never heard six sexier sounding words in her life. She wrapped her legs around his buttocks and held on for dear life as she felt him hit every spot that turned her to jelly and made her scream. His pubic bone was rubbing against her clit with every stroke, which ramped her even higher toward orgasm. His mouth crushed down on hers as sweet release rushed through her body. Castle whispered her name into her mouth as he followed her release with his own.

Kate felt boneless as she was vaguely aware of Castle slowly removing her legs from around him and rolling off of her, causing her to whimper softly at the loss of their intimate connection. She sighed sleepily when she felt his lips on her sweaty forehead. She rolled toward him and rested her head on his chest, feeling his hand come around her protectively, his fingers stroking her bare back. "You're lucky," she whispered against his chest.

"How so?"

"Normally, I don't sleep naked."

"Really? Wow, now I feel privileged, Det. Beckett."

"Do you normally sleep naked?" 

"Actually, no. And that's because I share my home with my daughter. When she was small, often Alexis would wander into my room early in the morning. So, I always made sure I wore either boxers or pajama bottoms. Why don't you usually sleep naked?"

"Fear of intruders. Actually, I sneaked out of the house once when I was 16. I got pretty drunk and passed out naked in my bed. My mother told me that sleeping naked was risky because you never knew when someone could break in or a fire could break out. Actually, I think it was her way of telling me that you never know when you can get busted by your parents. I was just glad she was the one who saw me. If it had been my dad, I'd never be able to look him in the eye ever again."

Castle laughed at the mental image. "Let's take a shower and I'll make breakfast. Afterwards, we can walk on the beach."

"That sounds nice, but _we'll_ cook breakfast. We're partners, remember?"

After a breakfast of French Toast and bacon, they set out for a walk on the beach near Castle's home. Castle had dressed in a pair of cargo shorts and a t-shirt, with sneakers on his feet. Kate was dressed in a pair of Capri pants and a pretty blouse that seemed to flow on her lithe body. She was wearing the sandals that she'd worn to the pool the night before.

After slathering themselves with sunscreen, they set off for the beach. They walked side by side for a short distance until Kate noticed Castle holding his hand out toward her. Smiling, she slipped her hand into his, feeling him tighten his fingers around hers. She looked around herself as they strolled down the beach, taking in the backs of the different properties. The vast majority of them were far fancier than Castle's. She realized that she liked that his home was so simple. She wasn't sure she could've handled it if he'd lived in one of the huge mansions she was ogling at the moment. "Were you married to Gina when you bought your beach house?" She asked. "Or were you married to Meredith?"

"I wasn't as rich as I am now when I was married to Meredith. I'd sold a couple of books, but I wasn't nearly as successful as I am now. Gina was the one who convinced me to buy the house out here. I think she just wanted a place to schmooze with the rich and famous. But Alexis liked coming out here and after a while, so did I. Like I said, the townspeople are great. I know you're worried about them finding out—"

"Castle, I'd love to have everything out in the open, but I just can't risk it. I know that you want to shout it from the rooftops, and maybe someday we can. Just not right now."

"I know, and it's okay. Come on, my favorite spot is right over here. I'll bring you back tonight right before sunset."

He led her down to a spot near the water's edge. "Howard Stern's house is about three and a half miles down that way," he pointed. "From where you're standing to his property line is my private beachfront."

"I love it here, Rick," she turned to once again look out at the ocean. "It's peaceful."

"Isn't your dad's cabin peaceful?"

"Yeah, but it's a different kind of peaceful. I'll take you out there sometime. Maybe we can go out there for the night before I go back on duty. That is, if you don't mind roughing it."

"You make it sound like your dad's cabin is a shack with no running water," he made a face as Kate laughed.

"No, it's not quite that primitive. However, there is no internet." The look on his face almost made her roll on the ground laughing. "And no TV," she stepped closer to him, standing on her toes to graze a kiss to his lips.

"Then we'll have to find other ways to entertain ourselves."

"Yes, we will."

"How did you survive out there for two months?" He asked, realizing instantly that he'd said the wrong thing by the way her eyes darkened. "Kate? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say anything wrong."

"No, it's okay."

"Clearly, it's not. Come on, let's sit and talk about it." He sat down on the sand and pulled her down next to him. "You never talk much about it. I'm sorry if I said something wrong."

"It was hard. I almost called you about a thousand times. I wanted you to know that I'd heard you that day."

"You know that I would've dropped everything and come to you if you had called me."

"I know," she reached for his hand before resting her head on his shoulder.

They sat on the beach watching the waves crash against the shore for a long time before Castle spoke up again. "So, who was he?"

"Who was who?" She sat up, now clearly confused by the question.

"The guy who dumped you."

"Okay, now I'm totally confused. What guy who dumped me when?"

"Do you remember at the launch party for 'Heat Wave' when I asked you what guy would ever dump you? Clearly I struck a nerve and I've always been curious about it. Who was he so that I can kick his ass?"

"Sorensen."

"Oh, Mr. FBI man. Tall, dark and judgmental."

"He didn't dump me, exactly. He took the job in Boston and didn't take me into consideration. But it hurt. It hurt for a long time."

"Did you love him?"

"At the time, I thought that I did, but I was so young. But he taught me to feel again after my mom's murder, so I'll always be grateful to Will for that."

"You'd just made detective, right?" 

"Yeah. Working on that kidnapping with Will was the first big case I had after making detective. I was still so green."

"When did you start dating?"

"Why are you asking so many questions about Will Sorensen?"

"I don't know. I'm just curious. We've never really discussed personal stuff before."

"If I talk to you about Will, will you tell me stuff about your ex-wives?"

"Sure, but you already know that they're both narcissists, so I don't know what else there is to know."

"When we caught that kidnapper and found that he'd killed the little boy, something inside of me just snapped. That little boy was six years old and that man killed him just for the hell of it. It made me so sick. Will knew that I wasn't taking it well. I just wasn't used to failing at anything. At first we'd just go out for burgers, then we started seeing a movie," she smiled at him, knowing that they'd started in much the same way. "I don't want to get more personal than that."

"So, you don't kiss and tell?" He teased.

"I'm not telling you about my sex life with prior boyfriends. I'm not about to boost your ego any further," she teased back.

"Thank you," he smirked at her before stealing a kiss. "When Meredith served me with divorce papers, I was crushed. I mean, yeah, she had cheated on me and yeah, I caught her in the act, but we had a child together. I didn't want to repeat my mothers' mistakes. I was hoping that we could work it out. But she didn't even want to try and it hurt."

"You were both young. And Meredith has proven time and again that she's not ready to be a mom to Alexis. So, maybe it was for the best."

"I know, but at least I was willing to try. I'd get so angry at her when Alexis was little. Meredith would call and tell me that she was going to pick Alexis up for the day. You should've seen Alexis, Kate. She'd get so excited. I'd get her all dressed up and she'd chatter about how she was going to tell mommy this and she was going to tell mommy that. And nine times out of ten, Meredith wouldn't even show up. Alexis would cry for hours. After a while, I wouldn't tell Alexis when Meredith had called. That way, she wouldn't get hurt."

"You told me about her taking Alexis to lunch in Paris."

"Yeah, that was classic Meredith. Alexis was nine and Meredith wanted to take her to lunch. I didn't think that it was a problem until Meredith didn't bring her back home. I spent hours tracking her down and then I found out that she'd taken her to Paris. When she got home, I had the police waiting for her. They very carefully explained to her in words that she could understand why she couldn't just whisk her daughter out of the country. The only reason that I didn't have her charged with custodial interference was because I knew it would upset Alexis. But I made sure that she never had access to any of Alexis' personal documents after that."

"What happened with Gina?"

"What happened with you and Demming?" He batted the question back to her.

"You first."

"Gina was fun to be around and Alexis liked her. I thought it would be enough. When we got married, we soon discovered that except for my books, we had nothing in common. We fought constantly, we rarely had sex. It was a disaster. But we kept it afloat for far longer than we should have because, once again, I didn't want to repeat my mother's mistakes. Your turn. What happened with you and Demming?"

"He wasn't what I was looking for. He was a super nice guy, but he wasn't what I was looking for. He even asked me if it was something that he had done. I never meant to hurt him."

"That's just it," he took her hand. "We hurt people that we care about without meaning to. I've done it more times than I care to count."

"So have I. When I broke up with Josh, he was so angry. He tried to cover it, but I could tell that he was pissed. He even asked me if I was going to go running to you. That's not why I ended it with him, Rick," she looked at him, her eyes watering.

"How long were you with him after—"

"You can say the words, Castle. We stayed together while I was in the hospital. He came out after my father took me up to his cabin. He stayed the night, but he drove me insane with his constant need to doctor me. He didn't understand that I had doctors in the city. I needed for him to be my boyfriend. I needed him to hold me when I woke up screaming or be there when the pain was too much to take and it was still too early to take another pain pill. When he went back to the city, I did a lot of thinking. Then one night I was talking to Lanie and she let it slip that Josh had tried to attack you that morning." 

"He was angry. You were his girlfriend and my stupidity almost got you killed. He had every right to be upset."

"Yes, he had every right to be upset, but that didn't give him the right to physically attack you. For that, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I don't hold any animosity toward him. I probably would've reacted in the same way if I had been him. Can I ask you something?"

"Maybe," she hedged.

"If you hadn't got shot, do you think you would've married him?"

"Honestly? No," she shook her head. "Things were cooling off between us even before I got shot. He was always gone and when I'd tell him stories about work; about something you had said, I could see something change in his eyes. This is nice, Castle."

"What is?"

"Just sitting here and baring our souls to each other. Learning things that we didn't know."

"Isn't that what dating people do? Of course, they usually do it over wine and a fancy dinner, but I can whip something up later. Come on, let's go hang out in the pool for a while. I want to bring you down here tonight right before sunset."

Right before sunset, Castle grabbed a blanket and took Kate's hand, leading her back down to the beach. He spread the blanket out on the sand and sat down, smiling as Kate sat down in front of him. She looked out over the water, watching the different colors as the sun began to go down over the ocean. "Castle, this is breathtaking."

"It is, isn't it? I've seen it probably a thousand times and it never gets old."

They sat on the blanket watching as the sky gradually got dark and the stars began to appear, doting the sky with tiny pinpoints of light. "You never see this many stars in the city."

"I know. The skyscrapers obscure them. It must be like this at your father's cabin."

"It is. But I didn't go outside at night when I was up there after my shooting. It was too dark and I was too scared of tripping and falling. We'll take sleeping bags out on the back deck," she turned to smile at him.

"You're getting cold," he rubbed her arms, feeling the goose flesh. "Come on, let's go get in the hot tub."

Kate lay awake long after Castle fell asleep beside her that night. They'd got in the hot tub where they'd started fooling around before going to bed and engaging in hot, energetic sex. Castle had crashed almost immediately after, but Kate was too wired to sleep. She got up and pulled an old football jersey over her head. She silently padded out of his bedroom and walked over to the French doors that led to the back door. She unlocked the door and quietly opened it, stepping out into the chilly May night.

She sat down in a comfortably padded patio chair and pulled her knees up to her chest, tugging her jersey over them to protect her from the chill. She could hear the ocean in the near distance, batting against the shore. She looked up in the sky at the millions of stars high above her. "Hey," she turned to find Castle walking outside, rubbing his eyes with his hair sticking up in all directions. "I woke up and you weren't there. I thought . . . are you okay?"

"I couldn't sleep," she answered, smiling when he walked over and motioned her to move forward so that he could slide into the chair behind her. She then rested back against his chest, feeling his arms come around her, anchoring her to him. "When I was a little girl and we'd go to the cabin, my mom and I would lay in sleeping bags on our deck and look at the stars. I used to imagine that I could reach up and touch them. My dad would always come out at some point and tease us for being silly and sentimental."

"Some nights they do look close enough to do just that. Are you okay otherwise?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Well, we have been having a lot of sex. I thought that maybe I was hurting—"

"Castle, no," she turned around to look at him. "If I was hurting, I would've told you. I rarely go right to sleep afterwards. My mind starts racing. It's hard to shut it down. I think I'm also still afraid of having more night terrors."

"So, you have them a lot?"

"Not as often as I used to, but yeah, I have them a lot. But they're nothing in comparison to the flashbacks. If we go to my dad's cabin, I have to prepare you for those. I had a lot of them when I was out there."

"Do you know why?"

"Noises. I'd go for walks," she bit her lip and took a breath. "The doctor wanted me to walk to build my strength back up. When you walk in woods, you step on a lot of twigs. They'd snap and I'd dive for cover. I tore the shit out of my knee doing that one day. And the storms out there . . . I used to love thunderstorms. Let's just say I'm no longer a fan."

"I promise that I will stay right beside you. But right now, we should head back inside before we get eaten alive by the mosquitoes."

"Thank you, Castle," she whispered as he took her by the hand and led her back inside.

"For what?"

"For not joking or making judgments."

"I'd never make light of what you've been through. Come on, let's go back to bed and I'll do my best to bore you into unconsciousness."

She started laughing as she followed him into his bedroom. She got into bed first and felt him climb in behind her, his fingers gently stroking her hip, gradually lulling her to sleep. Once she was asleep, Castle wrapped his arms around her and went to sleep himself.

 **A/N #2: The next chapter we're going to move to Jim Beckett's cabin.**

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	4. Roughing It

**DISCLAIMERS: No, I don't own 'Castle.'**

 **SUMMARY: Kate takes Castle to her dad's cabin in the Adirondacks, where he witnesses more of her PTSD.**

 **A/N #1: This is an M-rated chapter. Okay, I'll admit it. Most of these are going to be M-rated.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 4: Roughing It**

Kate woke up in the early morning hours, surprised to find Castle awake and staring at the ceiling. "Are you okay?" She propped herself up on one elbow.

"Yeah. I was just thinking about what you were telling me yesterday about your dad's cabin. Could we drive up there today? We could spend a couple or three days up there before returning to the city."

"Are you sure? I'm really having a good time here, Castle."

"I know, but I'd like to see the cabin. You must've had some great memories up there."

"Yeah, I did," she smiled. "If we are going to go up there, I need to call my dad to see if I can borrow his jeep. It's the only way we can get up there. Rick, he can't see us together. I trust my dad, but it's too risky. So, we can drive back into the city and I'll meet you at the loft after I get the jeep."

"I hate this sneaking around, Kate," he huffed. "It makes it look like we're doing something wrong."

"I know," she attempted to console him. "Believe me when I tell you that I don't like it, either. But if the NYPD finds out—"

"I know, I know. I don't want you to get brought up on an ethics violation. But I'm so tired of sneaking around. It feels scuzzy."

Kate sighed before sitting up. They'd had this same argument a few times since that first night. She couldn't make him understand that she didn't like sneaking around, either, but she also didn't want to lose her job. And they both knew that Gates wasn't Castle's biggest fan. She knew that her captain would jump at the chance to kick him out of the precinct.

"Kate, I'm sorry," he put his hand on her shoulder. "I know that this also bothers you. I won't bring it up, anymore. Let's get packed and we'll head back to the city. We'll stop for breakfast on the way."

***CCC***

Jim Beckett was surprised when Kate showed up later that morning. "Katie, this is a nice surprise," he gave her a warm hug. "What's going on?"

"I'm going to go up to the cabin for a few days, so I was wondering if I could borrow the jeep."

"I didn't think you'd want to go back up there after last summer. What's going on, Katie?"

"Nothing. I just want to get out of the city for a few days. Serve out my suspension in fresh air." 

"How long are you going to be gone?"

"Two or three days. I go back to work on Monday. Can I get the keys?"

"Yeah," he walked to a key rack in the kitchen, returning a moment later with the keys. "You'll have to buy some groceries. I haven't been up there since Christmas."

"No problem. Thanks, dad."

Jim Beckett watched as Kate walked outside and got behind the driver's side of his battered jeep. He had a feeling that she wasn't going up there alone, but he knew that she'd tell him all about it when she was ready. And if his gut was right, he knew that her new man was Rick Castle and he couldn't be happier for his daughter.

An hour later, Kate was behind the wheel with Castle as she drove them toward Lake Placid. He watched as she shifted gears effortlessly in the old jeep. "There's nothing sexier in the world than a woman who can drive a stick-shift," he smirked.

"My dad taught me to drive in this jeep. We were up at the cabin for our summer vacation and I kept driving him crazy wanting to drive. My father has always been extremely logical; well, my mother was, too, but she also tried to understand my wild child side. Anyway, he kept insisting that I was too young to drive, but my mother convinced him to teach me to drive on the road up around the cabin. He told me that if I could learn to drive a stick shift, then I could drive anything."

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen. Once I got the hang of it, I would drive all over the countryside. I had a blast," she smiled at the memory. "A little bit too much of a blast, at times."

They stopped at a small market in Lake Placid to pick up some groceries to last them for a few days before they resumed their trek. A few minutes after they left town, Kate turned off of the highway onto a frontage road before turning onto a road that went up into the mountains. After driving for a little while longer, she left that road for a dirt road that was rutted and full of holes. Castle held on for dear life while Kate drove like she was on a mission, expertly avoiding the bigger potholes. "Nice road," Castle managed to comment just as Kate hit a hole that bounced him so hard his head almost hit the roof of the jeep.

"Now you see why I needed the jeep. We're almost there, Castle, so just hang on tight."

She turned onto one last road, driving a short distance before pulling into a gravel driveway, stopping in front of a small cabin in the center of a stand of huge trees. The house was surrounded on three sides by a wooden porch. Castle could see a few chairs and a battered picnic table on the porch. "Come on, let's go inside," Kate smiled, getting out and leading the way up five stairs to the front door. Putting the key in the lock, she twisted the lock back and forth before it finally gave, allowing her to open the door.

Stepping inside behind Kate, Castle walked into a small living room with what appeared to be a bedroom on one side and the kitchen on the other. A staircase at the back of the room led to the upstairs. "My dad's room is over there," Kate pointed. "My bedroom is up the stairs. So, what do you think?"

"I like it," he smiled. "It's very . . . Ponderosa," he said, referring to the house on the old TV show 'Bonanza.'

"Not quite. I know it's not as posh as the loft or your Hamptons house—"

"Kate, stop," he put his hands on her shoulders. "I like it. I'm glad that you brought me up here."

"You'll be singing a different tune when you can't get Wi-Fi access," she smiled. "Let me put our groceries away and we'll take a walk outside."

Within a few minutes Kate had their groceries put up and she came out, taking Castle by the hand and leading him outside. Besides the chairs and table in front of the house, there was a porch swing on the porch behind the house as well as a hammock set up between two trees. "Does that hammock hold two people?" He asked, his eyes lifting mischievously.

"I don't know, but we can find out," she brushed her lips to his. "Come on, walk with me."

She led him down the back stairs and past the hammock, going deeper into the woods. "Does anybody live nearby?" He asked, looking up into the trees, where there was barely any sunlight peeking through.

"No. The nearest neighbor is three miles away. Why? Are you imagining 'Friday the 13th' scenarios, Castle?" She teased.

"Sort of."

"Relax. My dad has two shotguns and a have a 9mm in my room. I want to show you something."

They walked down a worn path for several minutes before Castle heard something that sounded like the rush of running water. Finally, Kate stopped at the end of a clearing that opened out onto a body of water. The sound Castle had heard was the water rushing over huge boulders. "This was my therapy last summer," she looked at Castle. "The pain was awful, Rick. The pain pills helped, but they never lasted long. I'd come out here, put my headphones in and let the water and my music take my pain away. I couldn't sleep unless I came here and even then, well, I didn't sleep much."

He knew that she still didn't sleep well. There had been too many nights where he'd felt her tossing and turning when she should've been asleep. "This is beautiful, Kate. I can see why it would relax you."

"I want to show you something else," she smiled before standing up and once again taking his hand. Cutting through the woods, Castle dodged low hanging tree branches and roots as he followed closely behind Kate.

They came out into the sunshine in front of another part of the lake, this one clearly a swimming area. "Is that water as cold as it looks?" He asked.

"We could always find out."

"Are there snakes in there?"

"You are so cute," she stepped into his arms, taking them and looping them around her waist before kissing him. "I've been swimming in this lake since I was six years old and I've never encountered any snakes."

"I'm glad you find my fears amusing," he pouted.

"While there are probably snakes out here, I've never encountered any. Deer, yes. Raccoons, yes. Mosquitoes the size of sewer rats, yes. And I don't find your fears amusing. I just find you very cute," she reached around her back and took his hand. "Come on, let's go back to the cabin and fix lunch."

"What about bears, Beckett?" He looked around as she led him back to the cabin. "Are we going to be on that show 'I Survived' for fending off a bear attack?"

"Yes, Castle. Because I just loved fighting off bears last summer when I could barely take two steps without falling over."

"I'm sorry. I'll be quiet now."

"Castle," she turned back into his arms, "I won't let anything happen to you. There are bears out here, but they stay away from people."

"Do they come up to the cabin?"

"No, I've seen them in the woods, but they never venture up to the cabin. But that's because we keep our trash secured and we _never_ and I do mean _never_ feed them. Do you hear me, Castle?"

"I hear you," he nodded earnestly.

"Come on, now I'm really hungry. And not just for food."

***CCC***

Castle wasn't sure what woke him later that night, but when he reached over for Kate, her side of the bed was empty. That was when he heard the loud boom of thunder overhead, followed by an incredibly bright flash of lightning. Then he heard the noise again. It sounded like a keening scream and it seemed to be coming from downstairs. He once again heard the sound, followed by a loud crash. He jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs, the only light being the lightning that was lighting up the cabin with bright flashes of light. "Kate! Beckett!" He called out when he reached the living room. "Beckett, are you all right?"

He could hear harsh panting, broken by an occasional muffled scream. He followed the sound into the kitchen where he found Kate huddled in a corner between the refrigerator and the wall, broken glass littered all around her. "Kate, what happened?"

Her breathing was ragged and he could tell that he wasn't getting through to her. He knew that it wasn't a nightmare. He'd become well acquainted with those over the past several nights. This was something else, something far worse. He tried to remember what she'd told him about her PTSD. She'd told him about the nightmares and flashbacks. That had to be what was going on now. But what had triggered it? The storm overhead. The lightning flashes had to be what had awakened her. He ran upstairs to get his slippers before returning to her. He crept closer to her, the glass crunching under his feet. "Kate, it's Castle," he spoke softly. "It's me. Kate, I don't know what to do. You're okay. You're safe. Just like you told me that I was safe this afternoon. Do you remember?"

She finally looked at him, her face a mask of despair. "Castle, go away! I'm so fucked up! I've told you this! I don't want you to see this! I . . . I don't want you to see any of this!"

"But I'm seeing it. I'm here now and I'm going to help you through it."

"It's too bright! It's like that day in the cemetery! Make it dark, Castle!"

He looked at the windows and saw that they all had wooden shutters. He jumped up and ran into the living room, slamming all of them closed and then turning on a small lamp to illuminate the small cabin. "Is that better?"

"Why don't you leave, Castle?"

"Because I'm not leaving you alone," he said, repeating words he'd told her two years before when a serial killer was targeting her. "Listen to my breathing, Beckett. Come on and breathe with me. Come on, in and then out." After a few beats, she began to copy his breathing, gradually relaxing her rigid posture. "Stay here for a minute. I'm going to find a broom and a dustpan to clean up this glass."

"In . . . the pantry," she pointed to a small closet at the other end of the countertop.

He found the broom and dustpan, quickly cleaning up the glass and disposing of it along with his slippers, which were now embedded with shards of broken glass. He then squatted down in front of Kate. "We can stay down here until the storm blows over."

"Okay," her breath hitched as he moved over next to her and sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"What did you break?"

"A glass jar that was on the corner of the countertop. I think I hit it when the lightning startled me."

"Are you cut?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Not like before."

"What're you talking about?"

He reached over and took her right hand, turning it palm side up and exposing a long scar on her forearm. He'd remembered seeing her arm wrapped in gauze when they were investigating the sniper case from a few months back. "I know that you tried to hide it from me, from the boys, even from Gates. What happened? Was it a flashback then, too?"

"Yeah. During the hunt for Lee Travis. I didn't want anybody to know. I was embarrassed."

"You know that you don't have to hide anything from me, _ever_."

She stood up and helped Castle to his feet before taking him back upstairs to the bedroom. Once there, her demeanor immediately changed. She shoved him back toward the bed, her mouth attacking him hungrily. She then climbed up over him, her hips rolling against him, still kissing him voraciously. His hands roamed up under her shirt, cupping her breasts, rolling her nipples between his fingers, breathing in the moans she was releasing into his mouth. She reached down into his pajama bottoms, wrapping her hand around him, brushing her thumb over his velvety tip as he now groaned, as well. "Touch me, Castle," she breathed into his mouth, nipping his bottom lip. "Please touch me. I want you so much."

Castle took one hand from her breasts and reached into the front of the boy shorts that she was wearing, sliding his fingers through the warm wetness of her. He loved how she always was so ready for him. Her hips bucked when he pressed against her clit. Removing his hand from her other breast, he tugged at her shorts as she raised her hips to assist him in his endeavor. He then wiggled his own pants off his hips, feeling her guide him to her entrance and sinking down on him.

Both of them were rendered breathless for a couple of minutes before Kate began to rock on him, her breath coming in rapid gasps. It didn't take long for her to climax, her screams echoing off of the walls in the small bedroom.

Castle took her short recovery time to roll them, pinning her underneath him as he began to seriously thrust into her, her cries of 'harder' and 'more' spurring him on. "Fuck, Beckett," he growled, feeling his own release barreling down on him. He reached his fingers down to where they were joined, pressing against her, smiling when he felt her hips jolt up against him. "I love you so much," he whispered, spilling into her and collapsing onto her shoulder.

He felt Kate's nails lightly grazing his back, her lips brushing his shoulder, her legs still wrapped around him. He finally raised up enough to kiss her softly, his eyes smiling into hers. "Best post-thunderstorm, helping my girlfriend through a flashback sex, ever," he smiled.

"Hey, I thought our first night would qualify as 'best thunderstorm' sex ever," she complained.

"Oh, it was. But that night was best 'first time' sex, ever."

"Really?" She smiled, her eyes lighting up her whole face.

"Yeah, really. Beckett, I never lie about sexual exploits. I always dreamed about having sex with you. But the _reality_ of sex with you? Beyond my wildest dreams."

"You, too," she continued to smile. "Thank you for being there tonight. It's scary going through it alone."

"Well, you'll never have to face your demons alone if I have anything to say about it. Okay?"

"That's what they are, Castle. Demons. I've never thought of them that way before."

"So, you're better?"

"Yeah, I'm always better once it's over. Thank you," she kissed him softly, stroking his face with his palm.

"Am I getting a little heavy?"

"Just a little," she grinned, laughing when he rolled off of her with an exaggerated flop. She got up and pulled her clothes back on before getting under the covers and laying her head on his chest, sighing contentedly when he stroked her back.

Going to sleep, she remembered Castle's 'I love you.' She wanted to say the words, but she was still so scared of losing him. If she admitted her feelings for him, then she'd lose him. Losing him wasn't an option.

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	5. Sunshine and Shadows

**DISCLAIMERS: I don't own 'Castle.'**

 **SUMMARY: More deep conversations on their last day at the cabin.**

 **A/N #1: One of my favorite things to write about is things that we didn't see in the various episodes. While I like writing post-ep stories, I also like to write what are known as 'fillers.' What conversations did Castle and Beckett have during her suspension? I do think that the things that I'm writing about are some of the conversations I think Castle and Beckett would have. I know that they didn't go to the Hamptons, but we don't know if Kate didn't take Castle to the cabin.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 5: Sunshine and Shadows**

While Castle washed their breakfast dishes the next morning, he kept watching Kate, who was busily putting tea bags and water in a huge glass jar. She then sealed the jar and took it outside, returning a minute later. "Why did you take that jar outside?" He asked.

"I'm making sun tea," she answered, walking back into the kitchen and grabbing a dish towel, drying the dishes that Castle had stacked in the drainer.

"Sun tea?"

"Are you serious, Castle? You've never heard of sun tea?"

"No, never."

"My mom would make gallons of it every time we came here. You put tea bags and water in a jug or jar, seal it and put it out in the sun. The sun brews the tea. In a few hours, we're going to have perfectly brewed iced tea."

"What are we going to do while we're waiting for this perfectly brewed iced tea?" He turned to her and looped his arms around her waist, tugging her closer to him.

"Go outside and play," she pressed up and nibbled playfully on his jaw.

"Ooh, I like the sound of that."

"Do you have a pair of old shoes? There is a lock of rocks in the lake, so it's not a good idea to go in with bare feet. If not, I'm sure my dad has a spare pair of boating shoes that you can wear."

"I have an old pair of shoes. I brought two pairs of sneakers with me. I figured that you'd wear me out with hiking."

"No, I have other means of doing that," she reached around and pinched his ass.

"Yes, you do. And you wear me out very well in that respect. I just wish that I could say the same."

"Castle, what're you talking about? I told you that I often don't go right to sleep after sex. It's not anything that you do or don't do. Look, let's go to the lake and relax. Then we can talk. Okay?"

"Okay," he agreed, but he still looked somewhat hurt.

An hour later, they were standing on the edge of the lake, Castle staring into the water with some trepidation. "What's the matter, Castle?"

"It looks cold."

"That's because it _is_ cold. Come on, I'll hold your hand. Or I can do this," she took several steps back and ran, launching herself into the water, screaming when she hit the cold water. After a few minutes, she looked up at Castle, who was still standing on the edge, staring at her in disbelief. "I wanted to do that last summer and wasn't able to. Come on, Castle! I'm lonely in here!" She splashed some water toward him. "Do the cannonball that I wouldn't let you do at the pool in the Hamptons!"

Smiling broadly, Castle took some steps back, stopping at the place where Kate had made her run toward the lake. He stripped off his shirt, throwing it to the ground before running and jumping into the air, tucking his legs up to his chest before landing in the water a short distance from Kate, who laughed joyfully when he came up for air, hollering at the briskness of the water. "Shit, Beckett! This water is freezing!"

"You'll warm up, Castle," she swam over to him, wrapping her long limbs around him.

"Are there fish in this water?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded, nibbling at his chin.

"Do they bite?"

"Castle," she pulled away and gave him the patented 'Beckett' glare. "There are no man-eating fish in this lake."

"Do you swim at the other part of the lake that you showed me yesterday?"

"No," she was quick to shake her head. "The current's too strong. Sometimes I'll try to go out to some of the larger boulders, but I haven't even done that in a long time. And definitely not since my shooting. I'm still not strong enough to do it."

It was the first time in a long time that Kate had admitted any of her physical limitations from the shooting of a year before. "Are you really not strong enough or do you not quite trust yourself to make it?"

"Both," she bit her lip and glanced down at the water.

"Well, as you know, I'm the world's biggest coward, but I can man up if you want to sit out on a boulder in the middle of a rushing stream."

"Castle, look at me," she looked up into brilliant blue eyes. "You're not a coward. I don't know too many people who would try to take a bullet for someone else. Never sell yourself short with me. Do you hear me?"

"Yeah, I hear you," he smiled, giving her a soft kiss.

"We'll go out to the boulders the next time. Okay? Because tomorrow we should head back to the city. I have to be back at work on Monday."

"Okay."

They got out of the water after about an hour and walked back to the cabin. After taking a long, sexy shower together, they dressed and went out on the back patio, where Kate pointed at the jar of sun tea, which was almost completely brewed. She sat down on the patio swing and cuddled into Castle, who sat down beside her. "Look," she whispered before pointing out into the distance where two deer had suddenly appeared.

Castle slowly moved the swing as they watched the two deer. The deer stood very still, their ears twitching for any sound. After about five minutes, the deer disappeared back into the woods. "Wow, you don't see that in the city," he kissed the top of Kate's head. "Your dad doesn't have a deer feeder out here?"

"No. If you start feeding the wildlife, they lose their fear of humans. When my mom was alive, she used to keep a small garden. It was hard to keep the deer and raccoons out of it. But they'd always come out of the woods so that we could observe them. I love to watch the raccoons. I remember when I was seven or eight, I begged my dad to let me catch a baby raccoon for a pet. I thought he was so mean when he kept telling me no."

"When Alexis was that same age, she wanted to catch a squirrel in the park. I tried to convince her that it was cruel to keep a wild animal in our apartment. Can we change the subject?" He looked at her as she nodded. "This morning when you talked about wearing me out—"

"Castle, I'm not saying this to boost your ego, but please believe me when I tell you that are extremely good in that department. In the last week since we've been together, all I have to do is think about being with you to get me going. That has never happened with anybody. Not with Will, not with Josh, not with _anybody_. I just don't always fall asleep right after sex, not even after really, _really_ good sex. It's just the way that I'm wired."

"Did you ever fantasize about really, really good sex with me before last week?"

"Maybe," she gave him that huge smile that he'd got so accustomed to seeing in the past week. He now knew that smile was especially for him. "It hurts me that you're so insecure. You don't have any reason to be that way with me."

"You also don't have to be insecure with me. Okay?" He leaned his forehead against hers, breathing in the scent of her.

"I don't have anything to be insecure about," she threaded her fingers in his. "You touch me and I feel like the most desirable woman in the world. That's all you, Castle."

"Kate, what happened with Josh? I mean, what really happened?"

"When he came out here right after the shooting, something had changed. I had seen it right before I got out of the hospital, but I really thought that it would get better. It was like he didn't remember how to be my boyfriend, anymore. My dad even confronted him about it. He told him that I had enough doctors looking after me. I needed someone who would love me and tell me that I was going to be okay. That eventually I'd be able to lift my arm more than three inches or that I'd be able to walk more than four steps without wanting to pass out or cry with the pain."

"Oh Kate," he drew her close, feeling her sob against his shoulder. "I wish you had called me. I would've dropped everything and come to you."

"I know," she pulled back and wiped her face. "But I had lied to you, Castle. When my dad first brought me out here, he stayed for the first week. But he drove me crazy hovering, so I begged him to go back to the city. I promised not to leave the cabin until I was walking better. Josh came out to visit me about two weeks after my dad had returned to the city. By that time, I was still in constant pain, but it wasn't consuming every second of my life, anymore. And I really wanted sex. As crazy as it sounds, although I was still on massive doses of pain killers, I just wanted to make love. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me that I was still beautiful and still wanted."

"That's understandable. You had been recovering for a long time. You wanted to do something normal again."

"That's one way of putting it. When I tried to seduce Josh that night, he acted like I was a freak. And then I figured out that it was . . . it was because of my scars."

"Oh, Kate."

"He was a heart surgeon and he couldn't look at my scars!" Tears leaked down her face, causing Castle's heart to ache while he listened to her. He now hated the damn doctor more than ever. How dare he hurt her like that! "And then he kept consulting instead of being my boyfriend. He kept asking if I was taking my medication and walking like I was supposed to and doing my arm exercises. Finally, I'd had enough. I told him that I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't tell him what Lanie had told me about him attacking you at the hospital, but I don't think I needed to. I think he already knew."

"Kate, you're still beautiful and you're still desirable. When you shared your scars with me that first night, it made me better understand the pain that you'd gone through that day."

Kate went back in her mind to that first night when Castle had carefully explored every inch of her, first with his fingers and then with his lips and tongue. "Nobody has ever taken the time to learn my body the way that you have."

"Well, I'd been anticipating learning your body for four years."

She gave him that smile again before moving in and smudging her mouth against his, her tongue sweeping his bottom lip. "Take me inside and learn my body some more, Castle," she whispered into his mouth.

"Your wish is my command," he stood up before taking her by the hand and leading her inside.

Later, they lay in a sweaty tangled heap of arms and legs in Kate's bed, her head resting on his chest, her breath warm against his damp skin. Castle noticed that she was actually sleeping in his arms, for once. He figured that maybe the wakefulness from the night before had taken its toll on her. He knew that as a homicide detective, she didn't sleep much, anyway. Years of being awakened at all hours had trained her to rely on very little sleep. She hadn't even slept more during her week of suspension; getting up by six and being ready to start her day. Castle was still getting used to her early morning routine. He was, by nature, a night owl; staying up late at night to write and usually rising later in the morning.

He felt her stir before she looked up and gave him a sleepy smile. "Mission accomplished, Castle," she grinned shyly before pressing her lips against his bicep. "You wore me out enough so that I fell asleep."

"You needed the rest. How often do they happen?" He asked, referring to the flashbacks and nightmares.

"There's no pattern. I used to have nightmares several times a night. I still have them a lot. The flashbacks are much harder to predict. It's harder to pinpoint everything that sets them off. Burke has me write down what sets me off. Loud noises and severe thunderstorms are two of the triggers. Certain smells also trigger them. But the smells are what also trigger the panic attacks."

"What smells, Kate? I need to know these things, so that I know what to look out for."

"I can't stand the smell of roses. I think because there were so many roses at Roy's funeral. That's the last thing that I remember before I passed out that day. That and you telling me that you loved me. And for some reason, sometimes buzzing noises set me off. Dr. Burke thinks it might be because I heard some of the equipment that they used to crack my chest opened."

"Can I make a confession?" He kissed the top of her head.

"Of course," she lifted her head up to kiss him.

"That morning when I saw you, when you made the comment about looking awful, you really did," he made a face as she laughed.

"I know. You should've heard Lanie. She took one look at me and brought out her makeup bag to give me a makeover. But I loved it. When I looked better, a part of me felt better."

"You looked so scared."

"I was scared. I'm glad that you were there that day."

"So am I. But now, I have other things on my agenda," he gave her a salacious grin before kissing his way down her body.

"Oh shit, Castle," she sighed, throwing her arms over her head and smiling happily, feeling his lips and tongue hit every spot in her body that set her blood boiling. "You have truly magical fingers."

 **A/N #2: The next chapter takes Kate back to work.**

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	6. A New Normal

**DISCLAIMERS: No. Just no.**

 **SUMMARY: Post-5x02 'Cloudy with a Chance of Murder.' Kate begins worrying about hers' and Castle's secret relationship.**

 **A/N #1: The remaining five chapters of this story will somewhat follow canon for the first several episodes of Season 5.**

 **A/N #2: Since Jim Beckett seemed to like Rick, I have to think that maybe Kate would've told him about the relationship first before everybody else found out.**

 **A/N #3: This is going to be one of those M-rated chapters, ladies and gents.**

 **A/N #4: To the guest reviewer from the previous chapter who said she didn't think that Kate and Josh stayed together long enough for him to visit the cabin. Everybody has an opinion as to just how long they stayed together, but the truth is that none of us know. This is MY story. These are MY thoughts being put to Word. Also, I don't feel that she was telling Castle about seducing Josh. All that she was conveying to him was the same thing that all women feel after a major traumatic event (miscarriage, breast cancer, etc.) That desire to feel normal again. If she had gone into great detail about their sex life, yes, that would've been uncomfortable to hear. I do feel that Rick would've stopped her at that point. If you have any more concerns, please feel free to email me. And believe me when I say that I'm not being sarcastic. I hate addressing these concerns in authors notes because I can't respond to you in person.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER SIX: A New Normal**

Kate found herself staring at her reflection in her bathroom vanity mirror, turning so that she could look at herself from different angles, frowning all the while. Today had been her first day back at work following her suspension and right away, it seemed that people were suspicious of her. It had all started with Castle forgetting to bring her coffee, which had made Espo question things and it had just escalated from there. The worst had been Lanie. She felt herself blushing when she remembered Lanie's words when she and Castle had gone to the morgue.

" _Speaking of different, I figured out what's different about you," Lanie had pointed her finger at Kate. "You're having sex."_

" _Excuse me?" Kate had been at a loss for words._

" _You're glowing. You have that glow. So, who's the guy?"_

" _Yeah, Beckett," Castle had thrown in his two cents worth. "Who's the guy?"_

" _It's nobody that you know."_

" _Are you sure? Because I know a lot of guys."_

"Castle," she walked into the bedroom, where Castle was waiting for her in bed, "do I look different?"

"In what way?"

"Lanie said that I look different. Do you think that I look different?"

"I think that you look different in the respect that you look so much happier than you did before your suspension. I'm not saying that it's because of me," he was quick to tell her, "but the fact that you've decided to let your pursuit of Bracken go for right now. It's like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders."

"I think that I am happier," she crawled into bed beside him. "And I think that happiness is on account of you, Castle. I've had the best time the last week and that's all because of you."

"I've had a great time, too," he wrapped his hand around her waist and pulled her toward him. "I feel like I've learned so many things about you that I didn't know before. Don't worry about Lanie and the boys. They don't know anything."

"Castle, if Lanie knows that I'm having sex, it's just going to be a matter of time before she puts two and two together to figure out who I'm with."

"Kate, we'll cross that bridge if we have to. I seriously doubt that Lanie is going to run to Gates and tell her that you're sleeping with me."

"I hate this, Castle," she dropped her head down to his shoulder. "I hate having to hide from the world how I feel about you."

"Then, tell Lanie and the boys. Swear them to secrecy."

"No," she sat up and shook her head. "I can't do that, either. Because if I were to do that and Gates were to find out, they'd be in trouble, too."

"Well, for right now, you don't have anything to worry about, because the boys think that I'm going to be going out with Kristina Cotera," he smirked at her. She rolled her eyes before picking up her pillow and hitting him with it. "Kate, if you don't want me to go out with her, I won't."

"No, it's okay," she sighed. "If you break off the date, she's going to want to know why. She's an entertainment reporter. I'm just worried that she'll dig to see if you're seeing someone if you beg off of the date."

"Then why are you so upset?"

"I'm not upset, Castle."

"For the record, I _didn't_ want to go out with her. She put me on the spot when she asked me out on live TV."

"I know. I saw it."

***CCC***

When Castle came to her apartment the next night after arresting Miles for Mandy's murder, Kate had so badly wanted to just slam the door in his face. After she walked away from him to leave him standing in the middle of her living room, she stormed into her bedroom and then the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. A few seconds later, she heard a light tap on her door. "Castle, what do you want?" She called out.

"Can I please come in? I'm really, really sorry."

She opened the bathroom door and stepped aside to allow him to enter. "I thought that you were going to take her out, Castle. As in _out_ in _public_."

"I was," he insisted. "But she showed up with oysters and chocolate covered strawberries. Like I told you, I tried to get away from her, but she was like . . . like a . . . "

"The Terminator of Sexpots?" She used the term he'd used to describe Kristina earlier.

"Exactly! Kate, I'm really, really sorry," he repeated, slowly stepping up to her and putting his hands on her shoulders.

"When your phone rang and I answered it," her voice cracked slightly, "I heard you yell out. Castle, I thought that you were in trouble. And then when I kicked in your door and she was there on top of you—" She stopped talking and turned away from him.

"Shit," he said under his breath, now fully understanding for the first time one reason why Kate had been so upset. He hadn't even realized that he must've accidentally butt-dialed her number at the point when Kristina had him cornered in his kitchen. "I didn't mean to scare you. Please, please forgive me."

She turned back around and he saw the two tear tracks on her face. "I forgive you, but it doesn't mean that I'm not still upset. Because I am."

"Fair enough," he acknowledged. "But will you at least let me try to make it up to you?" He grinned at her, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief when she stepped into his opened arms.

After some kissing and making up following the Kristina Cottera fiasco, Kate and Castle went to sleep. Only Kate awoke after just a couple of hours and was deep in thought while listening to the deep breathing of Castle at her side. She thought about what he'd said a couple of days earlier about maybe telling Lanie and the boys. Lanie had been her best friend for more than 10 years. They'd shared all kinds of confidences about everything. Lanie had been the first person that she'd poured out her soul to about her mother's murder and her father's plunge into alcoholism.

But she knew that Lanie was still occasionally sleeping with Esposito and Javi had a big mouth. She knew that if she told Lanie about her and Castle, that it was just a matter of time before Lanie blurted the news to Esposito and then Espo would tell Ryan, who would tell Jenny. It was like an insane version of the old children's game called Telephone.

She rolled onto her back and heaved a huge sigh. "What's the matter?" She heard Castle's voice, thick with sleep beside her.

"I can't sleep."

"What's on your mind?" He rolled toward her.

"I was thinking about what you were saying about telling Lanie about us. I'm still not sure it's a good idea."

"I'm sorry if I seem to be pushing," Castle's voice was quiet in the dark bedroom. "I know that you have more at stake in all of this than I do."

"You're not pushing," she rolled over so that she was facing him. She reached out and stroked his cheek, feeling the prickle of beard stubble under her fingers. "I know that Alexis and Martha are still in Europe. But, are you going to tell them when they return home?"

"Not until you want me to. I won't do anything until you let me know that it's okay."

"I was thinking . . . my dad and I always have Sunday brunch at this little diner that he loves. I'd like for you to come with me this Sunday and we can tell him about the two of us. He's always asking about you. I know that he really likes you," she smiled.

"Did he like any of your other boyfriends?"

"Not really."

"Not even Sorensen?"

"Not even Sorensen. He once told me after we broke up that he thought that Will was a stick in the mud."

"What about Motorcycle . . . Dr. Motorcycle Boy?" Castle quickly corrected himself.

"I thought that my dad liked Josh, but after I broke up with him, he confided that he didn't think we were a good match."

"That makes two of us," he moved forward and kissed her, smiling when she opened her mouth for him, drawing out the kiss for as long as she could. He could never get over how much he loved kissing her. "Sunday, we'll meet with your dad. We should get some sleep."

***CCC***

Sunday morning, Jim Beckett was sitting at his usual table, enjoying his coffee while he waited for Katie to arrive. She'd told him the night before that she had something very important to tell him. A part of him wondered if it was more news regarding Johanna's murder and hoped that it wasn't. While he wanted his wife's murder solved more than anything, he didn't want to lose his daughter as a result. It had taken him too long to get Katie back once he'd gotten sober. He had no intention of ever losing her again.

The bell above the door dinged and he looked up, smiling when he saw Katie walk in, followed by Rick Castle. He quirked an eyebrow in surprise when he stood up and embraced his daughter before shaking Rick's hand. "Rick, it's good to see you again," the three of them sat down in the booth and he waved the waitress over. None of them spoke while they waited for the woman to bring them coffee cups and menus. "I see that you survived your suspension," he smiled. "When did you go back to work?"

"This past Monday. Yeah, I survived my suspension," she reached beside her for Castle's hand which was resting on the booth between them.

"I take it that there's something that you want to tell me," he arched a knowing eyebrow at his daughter and her friend. "Is this who you took to the cabin with you?"

"Yeah," she nodded, biting her lip and suddenly feeling shy. "The night . . . the night that I got suspended, Castle and I . . . we . . . we, uh—"

"Katie, it's okay. I get the picture. Okay, so that was a poor choice of words—" his words cut off as all three of them chuckled. "I have to say that I'm not surprised that you two are together, although I thought it would've happened a long time ago."

"Dad, here's the thing. You can't tell anyone. Not Aunt Theresa . . . actually, _especially_ Aunt Theresa. But not your golfing buddies or anybody. If the job finds out, they'll kick Rick out of the precinct. He's my partner, dad. He always has my back."

"I know and I promise that I won't say a word. I'm really happy for you, Katie. For both of you," he looked at Rick. "I knew that you weren't a stupid man."

"Yes, sir," Rick smiled broadly.

"I think that you can call me Jim, son."

After a pleasant two hours chatting with Kate's father, the two of them left the diner and decided to take a walk around a nearby park. "What did my dad mean when he said that he knew you weren't a stupid man?"

"After Lockwood escaped from prison, your dad came to see me," Kate stopped walking and stared at him in surprise. "He's the reason why I came to you and asked you to just let it go. He was scared that he was going to lose you. He said that he'd made his peace with losing your mother, but he couldn't face losing you, too. He told me that you'd told him a lot about me."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"I was surprised that you talked about me to anybody."

"Why are you surprised? You're my partner. What else did my dad say?"

"He said that you cared about me and unless I was dumber than I looked, I also cared about you. And he was right. I love you. I have for a very long time."

"I know," she smiled, twining her fingers in his. "Does it bother you that I don't say it?"

"No," he shook his head. "Meredith and I were together for four years and she never said it. She once told me that it was because it wasn't said that often to her when she was growing up. She just found the words hard to say."

"That's not why I don't say the words," she cupped his face in her palms. "Come on, let's go home."

"Can I ask you something?" He asked as they made their way back toward the subway. "Do you think Esposito will ever forgive Ryan?"

"Yeah, he'll forgive him. He just hasn't gotten it through his head that Ryan was just trying to protect us."

"So, you've forgiven him?"

"Like I told him, I get why he did it. Besides, he saved my life."

Riding home on the subway, Kate watched Castle. She enjoyed watching Castle, the regular guy. The man who had brunch in small, out-of-the-way diners and rode the subway like a native New Yorker. Of course, she also enjoyed Rick Castle, best-selling author, and man about town. The man who had a conspiracy theory for everything and loved making wisecracks.

But the past two weeks had introduced Kate to a third Rick Castle; the man who was very tender and very sweet; the man who was there when she woke up screaming from nightmares and who could steer her back from the edge of hysteria when she had flashbacks. The man who held her so closely and made love to her so tenderly. The man who gave her space when he knew that she needed it, but was also there when she wanted him to be.

As if sensing that she was watching him, Castle turned and gave her a wide smile before reaching out for her hand. She'd never met a man who loved holding hands more than he did. And she'd never met a man that she liked holding hands with more. She held onto the strap over her head with one hand and pressed herself up on her toes so that she could kiss him. "Public displays of affection on the New York Subway, Det. Beckett? Whatever brought this on?" He teased.

"It was just something that I felt like doing. Our stop's coming up," she reminded him when she heard the announcement for the subway stop nearest her apartment. "Are you sure that you don't mind staying at my place?"

"Your place doesn't have a doorman who asks questions, so no, I don't mind," he led her out of the car when the train stopped and they walked toward the stairs leading up to the street.

"Your doormen are used to my stopping by, by now," Kate said as they walked up the street to her building.

"Stopping by, yes. Not leaving? No," he shook his head and smiled when she removed her key and unlocked the door to enter the building.

They took the elevator up to Kate's floor and walked up to her door, where she unlocked the door to let them in. "I'm going to make some coffee. Do you want some?"

"Sure," he walked over and sat on the sofa. "I'm glad that your dad didn't give you a hard time about us."

"He likes you, Castle," she smiled while she made a pot of coffee. "And even if he didn't, he'd never admit it. He'd just make cracks about you."

"Like your grunge rocker boyfriend?"

"Oh my god!" She laughed. "You actually remember that story?"

"Kate, I remember absolutely every single thing that you tell me." He watched her face suddenly darken as she continued messing with the coffee maker. "Kate? Are you all right?"

"I haven't said the words to anybody since before my mom died," she looked over at him. "The words 'I love you.' The last person that I said them to . . . was my mom. I don't even tell my dad. If I don't say them . . . then that person can't leave me."

Castle got up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen, instantly feeling Kate wrap her arms around him and just holding on as tightly as she could. "Kate, I won't leave you," he pulled away so that he could look at her. "Leaving you isn't even an option. As for telling me that you love me, you'll tell me when you're ready."

"I do, you know."

"I know," his heart began to thud in his chest when she reached up and began slowing unbuttoning his shirt.

"You know those things that you like to do to me?" She smiled, slipping her hands into his opened shirt and reaching around him.

"Are we talking about anything that I do in particular?" He asked, finding it harder to speak.

"I like it when you explore every single inch of me until I'm almost begging you to make me come. You seem to like it when I beg."

"Not so much making you beg as knowing that I'm the one who's making you react that way. It's kind of . . . hot knowing that's all on me."

"You're kidding, right?" She backed up, staring at him in disbelief. "I hate it when you do that," she turned and walked into the living room.

"When I do what?" He was suddenly very confused. A moment ago, he'd thought that they were heading to her bedroom and now she was pissed.

"When you act like you don't believe me when I tell you how good that you are in bed. Castle, I like sex . . . no, let me correct that. I _love_ sex. I especially love really good sex. I also learned a long time ago to speak up if I wasn't happy in that department. Believe me when I tell you that I have no complaints with you in bed. So, please stop with the self-flagellation. I don't know which of your wives planted those seeds in your head, but I'd like to bitch slap her and tell her how stupid she is." She rolled her eyes at Castle, who was trying desperately not to laugh. "What in the hell is so funny?"

"I'm sorry. I just got a mental image of you and my second ex-wife in this living room duking it out. I'd pay to see that action," he continued to fight laughter, now noticing that Kate was also trying not to laugh.

"So it was Gina?"

"Like I said, it was a pretty sexless marriage. So, Det. Beckett," he strode over to her, "would you care to take this into the other room so that I can make you beg me to let you come?"

"Now you're going to be insufferable, aren't you?" She teased.

"Yeah, pretty much."

She led him into her bedroom where she slipped his shirt from his shoulders before going to work on his belt. Once it was undone, she palmed him through his slacks before working on his button and zipper. When his pants fell, Castle stepped out of them and kicked them to one side before his boxers came down, as well. Kate turned him and pushed him down to the edge of the bed, while she continued fondling him. He thought he would explode if he got any harder. "I love the way that you feel in my hand, Castle. You're so hard and so hot," he swallowed, his Adam's Apple bobbing slowly. "But there's something that I like doing more than feeling you in my hand," she sank to her knees, her eyes never leaving his.

"Shit," the word hissed from between Castle's lips when Kate licked up one side of his cock and down the other before slowly taking him into her mouth, drawing him in deep, her eyes remaining on his, which he found extremely hot. He almost came instantly when he felt her flick the head with her tongue. He reached his fingers down into her hair, lightly scratching her scalp as she continued working him over with her lips and tongue.

Kate reached down and carefully caressed his balls, rolling them in her fingers, smiling when she heard Castle groan and utter another expletive. Like she'd told him earlier, she loved sex. Not only being the recipient of her lover's attentions, but being the one giving the attention. She moved off of him with a soft 'pop' before slowly standing up and moving between his legs, kissing him as he wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer to him, his hands reaching up under her shirt.

Kate moaned into his mouth when she felt his warm hands on her bare skin, mapping her out like he did every single time they made love. He always touched her like he couldn't believe she was with him, in his arms, in his bed. She stepped back far enough so that she could pull her shirt over her head, tossing it behind her before stepping back into his arms, her arms going around his neck. She could feel his erection sandwiched between their bodies and she couldn't resist reaching down to caress him once again.

"Kate," he mumbled into her mouth, "you really need to stop."

Instead of answering, Kate took his hand and pressed it against the seam of her jeans. He could feel her warmth and knew that she was probably soaking wet. His fingers moved to the button on her jeans and he popped it before pulling down the zipper. She gasped when she felt his fingers reach into her panties and press against her, slicking through her wetness. She began rocking against his fingers, her mouth never leaving his, her tongue delving into his mouth, dueling with his.

Kate wasn't sure how he did it, but Castle soon had her lifted up into his arms, and turned so that he could now lay her flat on her bed. He then yanked her jeans and panties from her body before moving up to unclasp the front of her bra. Kate's eyes were dark with desire as she watched him slide down to her breasts, pushing her bra out of the way before taking one breast deep into his mouth, brushing over her nipple with his tongue. While his mouth was busy on her breast, his hand was also busy between her legs, two fingers slipping deep inside of her, angling up to press against her g-spot. "Oh fuck, Castle!" Her hips began to rhythmically rock against his fingers in time to his fingers inside of her.

Castle felt her muscles squeeze around his fingers while he continued moving in and out of her, flicking his thumb over her clit on every stroke. He left her breast and began kissing his way down her body, spreading her legs further apart so that he could add his lips and tongue along with his fingers. He sucked her clit into his mouth, smiling when he heard her scream out her pleasure. Finally, he felt her hands on his ears, tugging at him to get his attention. He slowly removed his fingers from her before sliding back up, covering her body with his own.

Shifting onto her side, she hooked her leg over his hip before reaching down and guiding him to her, both of them groaning when he pushed into her. Their movements were slow, at first, until building passion caused their movements to become more frenzied, their bodies slapping together in the quiet of her bedroom. "Kate," Castle's voice was rough with passion, his body continuing to thrust into her, "come with me. Please?"

Her mouth fused to his, Kate reached for his hand, bringing it down to where their bodies were joined. "Touch me, Castle. Touch me _hard_ ," she instructed him as he complied. Kate's body jolted with extreme pleasure as she felt Castle's fingers rub against her swollen bundle of nerves harder and faster as she felt that delicious tingle beginning low in her abdomen, rapidly increasing the closer that she got to orgasm. "Yes, Castle! Just like that! Oh, shit!" Her whole body shook as her climax rocketed through her. Moments later, she heard Castle groan before he emptied deep inside of her.

Kate was still feeling delicious aftershocks when she felt Castle's arms gently come around her, his lips brushing her forehead. She opened her eyes and smiled into his. "Wow," he finally managed to say.

"Is that all that you have to say?"

"Normally you're happy when I don't have a lot to say."

"I know, but you're a writer. I just can't believe that 'wow' is all that you can come up with."

"Well, I could say that I rose to the challenge."

"Yes, you did," she grinned, moving even closer and smudging her lips against his, moaning when she felt him nudge her lips apart with his tongue. When they broke apart, he rolled over and she rested her head on his chest, feeling his fingers gently stroking her bare back. "Do you know what I want to do now?"

"Round two?" He replied sleepily.

"Well, maybe," she propped herself up on one elbow so that she could look at him. "We could have a round two in the bathtub."

"Your tub isn't as big as mine is at the loft."

"You didn't have a complaint about that two days ago. Or I could take a bath and you could read to me."

" _We_ can take a bath and then I'll read to you."

Twenty minutes later, they were relaxing at opposite ends of Kate's bathtub, while Castle read to her from 'Heat Wave,' his deep voice resonating off of the tile walls. He looked over and saw that she had her eyes closed, her breathing deep and even. He couldn't get over how beautiful she truly was. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, a few tendrils loose on the sides. He set the book aside and picked up her left foot, his fingers slowly massaging it. She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Hey," her voice was adorably drowsy. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Hmmm," she hummed in pleasure, flexing her foot in Castle's hands. "That feels nice."

"Would you like to get out and get into bed?"

"Yeah, we probably should."

They got out, dried off and got dressed before going back into Kate's bedroom and getting back under the rumpled covers. Kate was asleep almost as soon as her head landed on Castle's chest. He smiled as he wrapped one arm protectively around her and drifted off to sleep himself.

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	7. Family Dinners

**DISCLAIMERS: No, I still don't own 'Castle.'**

 **SUMMARY: Post 5x03 'Secret's Safe with Me.' Kate has an awkward, uncomfortable dinner with Castle and his family and later comforts Castle following Alexis' move to the Columbia dorms.**

 **A/N #1: I haven't been a fan of Alexis since Season 3. I liked it when Alexis was the one basically raising her dad, but when she started turning into a whiny brat when she didn't get accepted into Stanford was when I really started to dislike her. She got a little better in Seasons 6 and 7, but don't even get me started on Season 8 Alexis. As one of the articles that I read stated, she was the most overused person from this past season. I would like to think that just once, Castle would come down on her for some of her attitude. Thus, this chapter.**

 **A/N #2: And need I say it, but M-rated chapter.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 7: Family Dinners**

" _Speaking of talks, have you talked to Alexis, yet?" Martha asked her son._

" _The sex talk? Mother, I had that talk with her ages ago and I learned so much," Castle had an amazed look on his face when he thought of the memory._

" _Not the sex talk, dear. The you and Beckett talk."_

" _Mother, I don't know what you're talking about—"_

" _Oh, please," Martha waved her hand dismissively. "I've known since I saw that poor girl hiding in your closet. I just think that you should tell her."_

" _Tell me what?" Alexis' head popped up from under the kitchen counter._

Castle was pacing back and forth in his office while Alexis sat on the loveseat watching him. "Dad, what's going on? What is it that you need to talk to me about?"

"Alexis, you know how I've never lied to you or hidden anything from you, right?"

"Yeah. You're the cool dad, remember? So, what's going on?"

"It's about Beckett. We've . . . well, we're . . . we're sort of seeing each other."

"Seeing each other? As in _seeing each other_?"

"Yeah. We started the night of your graduation. Alexis, Kate means a lot to me."

"Yeah, dad. I get that. She means a lot to you. Until the next time that she hurts you. I have things to get for my dorm room. I'll see you later."

"Alexis!" He called out after her, but he heard the front door slam closed.

"Well, that didn't sound promising," Martha quipped when Castle came out of his office.

"Yeah, Alexis didn't take the news well."

"Don't worry about it, darling. I'm sure that Alexis will come around once she gets used to the idea."

Kate wasn't happy when she learned that Castle had told his mother and Alexis. "Well, technically I didn't tell my mother. She saw you in my closet that morning and she used her Jedi mind tricks so that I'd tell Alexis."

"How did Alexis take it?"

He looked at her and forced himself to smile. "She's so worried about moving into her dorm room that I don't think she's hearing anything else that I say. She has all of these boxes of stuff that she wants to move. I keep telling her that she doesn't have room, but she insists that she needs to take everything."

"We all need our stuff, Castle. It makes us feel comforted. I have boxes of my stuff, too."

"Kinky stuff?" He teased.

"Yeah, I have that box, too," she teased back, watching as he took a deep breath.

"Can we play with it sometime?" He whispered in her ear.

"Maybe," she whispered back. "Come on, we have a dead body to meet."

***CCC***

Alexis was sitting on the sofa a couple of nights later, reading a book while eating a bowl of ice cream. Her grandmother was out for the evening and she figured that either her dad was still working with Beckett or he was with Beckett doing other things. For some reason the thought sent a surge of jealousy through her veins. She didn't understand how her father could be so stupid. All Beckett was going to do was hurt him again the first chance that she got. If she didn't get him killed first.

She glanced over when she heard a key in the front door. She went back to her book when her father walked in, making a game of ducking behind the various boxes that were stacked around the front entryway. A game that Alexis had no interest in playing. "Hey," he finally came over and sat down across from her.

"Hey," she answered, not looking up from her book. "What're you so happy about?"

"I found out that a very expensive bracelet is in my vault. It means I'm rich. Well, richer."

"Sure, until Det. Beckett finds the rightful owner and takes it away from you."

"True, but nothing is going to spoil my very special 'Last night before college' dinner with my daughter."

"Yeah, about that," Alexis finally looked up and shut her book. "Could we cancel?"

"Cancel? Alexis, do you have any idea how hard these reservations were to get? Even for me? I had to get them months ago!"

"If it's the reservations that you're so worried about, why don't you take your girlfriend?" Alexis got up and stormed from the room.

"Alexis!"

When Kate got to work the next morning, she was surprised to see that Castle was already there, with her requisite cup of coffee. She picked it up, smiled at him and took a sip. "You look troubled. What's going on?"

He looked around to make sure that they were alone before he spoke. "I was talking to Alexis last night when I got home."

"Oh, I meant to ask you. How was your 'Last night before college' dinner?"

"We didn't go."

"Weren't you telling me how hard those reservations were to get?"

"Yeah, which brings me to my point. Alexis got really upset and canceled the dinner. When I brought up the reservations, she said that if that was all that I cared about, then maybe I should've taken you."

"Are you saying that Alexis hates me?"

"Yeah, which is really weird, because I never had a problem with the thousands of hot women—"

"Please stop."

"Right."

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Kate suggested.

"Hell, no. She'd eat you alive. Don't worry, I'll talk to her."

"Talk to who?" Esposito asked, appearing right behind Beckett at the white board.

"Nobody," Castle and Beckett said in unison.

"O-kay," he said slowly.

Later that afternoon, Castle cornered Kate in the breakroom. "I have an idea. I have to leave in a while to take Alexis to her dorm, but she'll be home this weekend. Why don't you come over and I'll cook dinner for you, my mother and my daughter?"

"Castle, Alexis hates me."

"She doesn't _hate_ you. She's just feeling a little conflicted right now."

"Well, she's not the only one."

"Kate, I know that you're hurt and upset. I'm trying to fix this."

"I know that you are. Can I speak frankly?'' 

"Yes, of course."

"I think that Alexis is acting like a spoiled brat who's afraid of sharing her father with anyone. I understand that I've hurt you in the past. But I'm trying to be better for you; for us. It's about time that she saw that. I have work to do," she turned to leave.

Later that night, Kate was having a glass of wine in her apartment when her cell phone chimed. She picked it up and saw that she had a new message from Castle. **'I'm rly sorry about today. Will u at least think about dinner? Plz?'**

Kate wasn't sure how having dinner with Martha and Alexis was going to solve anything, especially in light of how Alexis was acting. But she also knew how hard Castle was trying. **'Ok. Dinner sounds nice. Should I bring anything?'**

' **No. Just your appetite.'**

' **Ok. I'll see you then.'**

***CCC***

Alexis came into the kitchen on Saturday night and stood in the doorway, watching as her father bustled about, checking the oven and the stovetop before finally noticing his daughter standing there, with an expression on her face that could only be described as sour. "Hey, pumpkin," he smiled brightly at her.

"Dad, would it be all right if I excused myself from dinner? I really want to get familiar with some of my syllabus'."

"Alexis, I think it would be a good idea if you had dinner with me, your grandmother, and Kate. I know that you're not on board with the thought of me and Beckett, but I thought I'd at least raised you to have enough manners to hide it. At least do this for me, if nothing else."

"Fine. I'm going to shower and change," she turned and ran up the stairs, barely missing her grandmother in the process.

"Richard, do you need some help with anything?"

"Yes. Could you go upstairs and give my daughter an attitude adjustment? Kate's right. She is acting like a spoiled brat."

"Well darling, you must remember that you acted that way a time or two with some of my former beaux. Alexis will come around. Please try to be patient and give her some space."

Kate arrived an hour later and embraced Martha before walking over to Alexis, who simply glared at her and walked away. She looked over at Castle, who tried to give her an encouraging smile. She walked into the kitchen and accepted a glass of wine from him. "Hi," he leaned toward her and gave her a kiss. "Thank you for coming tonight."

"You're welcome. Dinner smells wonderful."

If someone were to ask Kate later to describe dinner, she'd have to say it was an unmitigated disaster. Martha was overly effusive, Alexis was practically mute and Castle was somewhere in between the two. Kate just kept hoping that the floor would open and swallow her up. "How are you enjoying Columbia, Alexis?" She turned to Castle's daughter. "Have you gotten lost finding your way around?"

"I'm finding my way around campus just fine," Alexis glared at Kate, her answer short and concise. "If you'll please excuse me, I have some studying to do."

Alexis got up from the table and practically fled the room. "I also think that I'm going to take my leave and let you two have some alone time," Martha got up from the table and walked over to Kate. "It was lovely to see you, Katherine."

"You too, Martha."

"Good night, Richard," she kissed Castle on the cheek.

"Good night, Mother," his face hurt from the false smile he'd plastered on it. As soon as he heard his mother's bedroom door closed, he threw his linen napkin on the table and covered his head with his hands. "Oh my god. Kate, I am so sorry. First of all, I want to apologize for the—"

"Richard Castle, don't you dare apologize for Alexis!" Kate hissed at him. "She's a grown woman and she's responsible for her actions! If anybody owes me an apology, it's her! I'm going to go. Call me later."

"Are you sure? I mean, after tonight—"

"Call me later," she repeated, walking over and kissing the top of his head.

Castle walked Kate to the door, kissing her before shutting the door behind her. He took several deep breaths before making his way upstairs to his daughter's bedroom where he knocked forcefully on her door. Seconds later, the door swung open and he looked into the blue eyes of his only child. "In 18 years of raising you, I have never, ever been ashamed of you until tonight. Your behavior was reprehensible. And you owe Kate an apology."

"She almost got you killed, or have you forgotten about that?"

"No, I haven't forgotten."

"She has basically treated you like garbage for the past year and yet, you're ready to forgive and forget."

"For the record, you don't know anything about the past year. Did you sit down with Kate and ask her what was going on? Did you ask her why she was brushing me aside?"

"No."

"Well, let me tell you what Kate was working through during the past year. She was seeing a therapist to help her become better so that she could have a relationship with me. She's been battling PTSD and trying to get that under control. She told me all of this over the last several weeks. Alexis, the point is, nobody's perfect. You, of all people, should know that. You asked me once if Kate makes me happy. Alexis, I love Kate. I've never felt this way about anybody. Someday, I want you to meet somebody who loves you as much as I love her."

At that admission, Alexis' eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry," she reached out and hugged him. "I'm so sorry. I'll apologize to Kate. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"It's okay," he hugged her tightly.

Kate was sitting on her sofa, wiping at the tears that were falling down her face. She knew that she couldn't continue seeing Castle if his daughter hated him. She wouldn't come between that relationship. Seeing how he'd always been with Alexis had been one of the first things she'd admired about him. Yes, he was a silly clown and a jack ass, but she knew how much he cared about Alexis. She was about to call him when she heard a knock on her door.

She looked through the peephole and was shocked to find Alexis standing there. She wiped at her face to remove all remaining traces of her tears before opening the door. "Alexis? Is . . . is something wrong?"

"I am so sorry for the way that I acted tonight."

"Did your dad send you here?"

"No," Alexis was quick to shake her head. "He dressed me down earlier and he told me that he was ashamed of me for the first time in my life. I didn't know that you were seeing a therapist. I didn't know anything."

"Come on in," Kate stood aside to let Alexis into the apartment. "I'm glad that you stopped by because I was about to call your dad and end things with him."

"Why? Because of me?" Alexis was mortified.

"When I first met your dad, he was so annoying," Alexis nodded in agreement. "But one of the things that I admired about him early on was how great he was with you. I've never been with a man who had children before, but I always told myself that I would never come between any man and his children. I didn't want to be the reason why you estranged yourself from him."

"My dad told me that he loves you," tears were now cascading down the young woman's face. "He told me that he's never felt this way about anyone. I know that he didn't really love my mother. He stayed with her because of me. And I don't know how he felt about Gina. I do remember that they fought a lot, although they tried to hide it from me. I've never heard him say that he loved anybody before, aside from me and Grams, of course. Det. Beckett—"

"Kate," Kate corrected her.

"Kate, all I've ever wanted is for my dad to find somebody who makes him happy. He told me right after you came back to work after your shooting that you make him happy. Please don't break up with him because of my stupidity and childishness. Promise me that you won't do that to him."

"Alexis, it's okay. I want you to know that your dad makes me happy, too."

"I know. I see it when you look at him."

The next night, Kate was in bed reading over case notes when her cell phone chimed. She smiled when she saw that Castle was texting her. **'Alexis went back to the dorm tonight. I miss my little girl so much, Kate.'**

' **Castle, she's 10 minutes away.'**

' **I know, but I still miss her. I'm lonely. Can u come over and cheer me up? What're u wearing right now?'**

' **Seriously, Castle? Is your mother there?'**

' **No. She's out with friends. I don't expect her home until late.'**

' **I'll be there in a few minutes.'**

When Castle answered his door a few minutes later, Kate lunged at him just as she had that first night they spent together. She began walking him backward toward his bedroom while he worked at tugging her shirt over her head and off of her body, dropping it along the way before going to work on her pants. She toed out of her shoes just as they reached the edge of his bed. She wriggled her hips as Castle worked her pants down her hips. When they reached her feet, Kate kicked her way out of them, all the while her mouth still glued to his.

Castle's fingers were all thumbs when he went to work on the front clasp of her bra, his clumsiness causing Kate to laugh against his mouth. But her laughter turned to soft gasps when his hands found her breasts, his palms warm against her bare skin. She reached up and quickly unbuttoned his shirt, yanking it from his body before going to work on his pants, her fingers brushing against his straining hardness before she opened his fly and tugged them down his hips.

Only when he was naked and she was nearly so did she push him down to the bed, crawling up his body while he moved back toward the middle of the bed. She straddled his torso and fluffed her hair back, causing Castle to forget to breathe for a few seconds. He didn't think he'd ever seen a sight as beautiful as Kate was at that moment, sitting on him clad only in a pair of light blue panties. He reached up, drawing her to him for a long kiss before holding her tightly and rolling them both over. His eyes never left hers when he hooked his fingers into the waistband of her panties and slid them off of her body.

Once she was finally naked, Castle hovered over her, slowly pressing into her, both of them sighing when their joining was completed. Their lips meshed together while their bodies remained motionless. After a few minutes, Kate broke free of Castle's mouth. "Castle, I'm not complaining, mind you, but don't you think that one of us should move?"

He began to thrust into her slowly until he felt Kate's muscles clench deliciously around him, spurring him to move faster, his hips soon slamming into hers as Kate met him thrust for thrust. He soon rolled them so that Kate could take control, her hips rolling against him, as his hands moved up so that he could tease her breasts. But it was only moments before he let his hands travel down all of her curves, exploring all of the spots that caused those sounds to come out of her mouth. The soft sighs, whimpers, and best of all, the sound of his name leaving her mouth in a series of whispers that set his blood boiling. He could live the rest of his life hearing Kate saying 'Castle,' 'More,' 'Harder,' and 'Faster' over and over.

Kate's eyes locked on Castle's, watching his blue eyes get darker and darker with arousal. She loved his eyes, especially now that they were intimate. She loved waking up in the morning beside him to find him watching her. She loved it when they'd go out for dinner and she'd look across the table to find him watching her. But her favorite look was when he knew that he was about to make her come hard around him, like now. She reached down for Castle's hands, locking her fingers with his before bringing one of his hands down to where they were joined. He didn't need any encouragement to touch her exactly the way that he knew that she liked.

Kate threw her head back, continuing to rock on Castle, tremors going through her body as she felt herself reaching the point of no return. "Yes, Castle!" She cried out, placing her hand over his, feeling him work his magic on her. "Oh my god! Oh, shit!"

Castle rolled them back over, continuing to thrust into her, feeling his own release rapidly approaching. He once again found Kate's mouth with his own, their mouths fused together, tongues and teeth clashing, his hips crashing against hers, her cries of pleasure being swallowed by their kisses. He thrust into her once more before letting out a long cry of release as he spilled into her.

Castle dropped his head to Kate's shoulder, his breathing harsh and erratic as he felt her fingers trailing down his sweaty back before she reached down to cup his ass, giving him an affectionate squeeze. After several minutes he raised himself up and smiled down at her, before dipping down to give her a soft kiss. He started to move, but Kate held him to her. "Kate, I must weigh a ton," he complained.

"I don't care. Why do men immediately want to roll over the second they've come? I have a confession to make."

"Well, confess away, Detective," he gave her another kiss.

"I like the feeling of your weight on me after we've made love. It makes me feel comforted and safe. Like you'd protect me from anything if I didn't already possess the ability to kick ass and take names."

"I would protect you from anything. I'll always have your back."

"I know," she stroked his face gently. "Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah," he rolled over and pulled Kate to his chest. "I know that Alexis is 10 minutes away, but she's always going to be my little girl. She's never lived away from me before."

"I know that. And I get that you were raised in boarding schools, so you never wanted that for her. But, as the daughter of a father, I am here to tell you that eventually every father's little girl grows up. Most of them even get married and have babies."

"You're not helping," he gave her a sad, puppy-dog look.

"I'm sorry," she kissed him.

"I am glad that you're here," he wrapped an arm around her, his mouth crushing down on hers, as he pulled her closer into his body.

"Not going anywhere, Castle."

 **A/N #3: I want to thank one of my long time followers and reviewers, Torontosun, for finally following me on Facebook. It's been great talking to you and getting to know you.**

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	8. Demons in the Darkness

**DISCLAIMERS: No, I sadly don't own 'Castle.' If I did, there would be a Season 9 with the whole cast intact and Baby Lily Castle on the way.**

 **SUMMARY: Post 5x05, 'Probable Cause.' Castle witnesses the final part of Kate's PTSD trifecta when she suffers a serious panic attack after their encounter with Jerry Tyson on the Triborough Bridge.**

 **A/N #1: It always upset me that we didn't see more episodes with Kate's PTSD after 'Kill Shot.' I thought that Stana Katic showed such a wide range of emotions in showing how a person tries to deal with the demons of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I would've loved to have seen more.**

 **A/N #2: The whole Jerry Tyson/Kelly Neiman story arc was my favorite of the series after the Johanna Beckett mythology. Michael Moseley was both frightening and compelling to watch. I was sad when it came to an end.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 8: Demons in the Darkness**

" _You killed him, Castle. It's over," Kate's voice was firm as she watched Castle staring into the swirling waters of the East River, where his nemesis, Jerry Tyson, had fallen._

" _For now," Castle said, after Kate walked away._

Castle and Kate were quiet in the backseat of the squad car that was driving them to Kate's apartment. Her car was being towed to the NYPD garage for repairs after Jerry Tyson had rear ended them before engaging them in a furious gun fight. Capt. Gates had told them both to go home and she'd get their statements later. For once, she had been sympathetic toward Castle, who had had a nightmarish couple of days.

"Thank you, Officer," Kate said when the squad pulled up in front of her apartment. "Take Mr. Castle home to his family."

"Kate—"

"Go home to your mother and daughter. I'll talk to you soon. Go, Castle," she looked at him, knowing that he was about to argue.

She watched the car drive off before going into her building and taking the elevator up to her floor. She quickly unlocked the door and closed it, putting her keys on a hook by the door. She then walked through her living room to her bedroom, stripping off her clothes along the way. Walking into her bathroom, she turned on the light and looked at herself in the mirror, grimacing when she saw the cut on her face. She opened the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of peroxide along with some cotton. She then dabbed at the cut, washing away the dried blood. Fortunately, it didn't look like it needed any stitches or even a bandage.

She turned on the water in the shower and stepped inside, allowing the hot water to soak into her bone weary body. It was only then that she finally let the tears that she'd been holding in for two days fall down her face like rain.

She stayed in the water until it grew cold before getting out and drying off, donning a pair of sweat pants and an old NYPD t-shirt. She then walked into her kitchen on bare feet and made a pot of coffee before going into her living room and curling up at the end of her sofa, tugging a throw pillow to her chest. She sat there, staring at the landscape outside of her window. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting there when she heard a knock on her door. Throwing the pillow to one side, she got to her feet and went to the door, heaving a sigh when she saw Castle standing on the other side of the door. "Castle, what're you doing here? I told you to go home to your mother and Alexis," Kate said when she opened the door.

"I did spend time with them. We even had lunch. They both insisted that I come and see how you were doing. I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up. Are you okay?" He followed her into the apartment.

"I must've left my phone in the bedroom after I took a shower," she closed the door and locked it.

"Beckett, your phone is right here," he picked it up off of the counter.

"Is it on?"

"Yeah. Are you sure that you're okay?"

"I guess I was distracted."

"Well, it _was_ a long night. I heard on the news that dive teams are still looking for him. How long before they discover that they aren't going to find him?" Castle asked her.

"Castle, he's down there somewhere. We both saw him fall. He didn't just vanish. The East River has claimed thousands of victims. If he doesn't wash up today, he'll wash up somewhere months from now. He's dead," she repeated to him for the tenth time. "He's not one of those killers from a horror movie. By the way, Ryan and Esposito know about us."

"Does Gates?"

"No," Kate shook her head. "I was going to tell them when they did a check of your phone records, but they told me that they already knew. They said that they figured it out on their own because they're detectives, but I think Ryan has known since we went to the Hamptons that weekend and he told Javi when this whole mess started. They said that they wouldn't tell Gates unless they had to."

"What about Lanie?"

"She knows, too. I told her when you were arrested. When they found the emails—"

"Kate, I'm so sorry."

"Castle, you didn't do anything wrong. Like I told you, I never stopped believing you."

"I'm so sorry that you got dragged into something so ugly and sinister because of me."

"Castle," she stepped up, touching her fingers to his lips. "You didn't do any of this. Jerry Tyson did. We're partners, remember?"

"I remember," he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her tuck under his chin as she curled into his chest. "When do we have to give our statements to Gates?"

"Don't worry about it right now. Let's just stay like this for a while."

"Sounds like a perfect plan to me."

"Right now, I want to go to bed and sleep for a few hours. With you by my side," she looked up at him and reached for his hand, before taking him into her bedroom.

Kate pulled her comforter and sheet back before crawling into bed. She lay on her side and smiled while she listened to the already familiar sounds of Castle undressing, his shoes and pants hitting the floor first, and then his shirt dropping to the floor, as well. She then heard him pick the clothes up and place them neatly on a nearby chair before he got into bed beside her and spooned himself around her, his arm draped over her, holding her close to his chest, the steady beat of his heart gradually lulling her to sleep.

When Castle woke up a few hours later, Kate's side of the bed was empty. He sat up and threw off the covers before getting up in search of Kate. The bathroom was empty, so he went into the front room. He didn't see her in the kitchen, but when he looked into the living room he saw her sitting on the sofa, staring into space. "Kate?" He slowly approached her, unsure of what was going on. All he knew for sure was that this had something to do with her PTSD. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I almost lost you," her voice was barely audible. "He was going to kill you and there wasn't anything that I could do about it!"

"Kate, it's okay. He didn't hurt me."

"I can't lose you," she jumped to her feet and ran for the door. "You don't understand! I can't lose you!"

"Kate, stop!" He grabbed her arm, only to have her yank out of his grasp. "Sit down and talk to me."

"I can't. I can't sit down. If I sit down, I see you sitting in that jail cell and I see Martha and Alexis and I see them taking you away and you were so scared and I couldn't do anything to help you and I—"

She was talking a mile a minute and he knew that she'd bolt the second that she could get away from him. "Kate, you're freaking me out just a little bit."

"I tried to sleep, but I kept seeing how scared you looked when I visited with you, Castle. I can't lose anyone else. When I lost my mom, I tried to shut myself off from feeling anything for anybody. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I _won't_ lose you. I don't want to do this alone, anymore."

"You don't have to do anything alone anymore, Kate. I'm with you and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere," he repeated, walking up to her and putting his hands on her shoulders.

Kate settled herself against Castle's broad chest, feeling his arms come around and hold her securely to him. "Can I make a confession?"

"I'm not a priest, but I'll listen to anything that you have to say."

"I love your chest."

"Thanks. I'm rather fond of yours, too."

That earned him a slap to his chest and an eye roll from Beckett before she settled herself against him once again. "Can I make another confession?"

"Should I get a booth?"

"I like it when you hold me. I like that you're taller than me when I don't wear my heels."

"Can I make a confession?" He whispered into the top of her head. "I like that, too. Are we going to stand here the rest of the afternoon making crazy confessions to one another?"

"It keeps me from freaking out."

"If it keeps you from freaking out, then I will stand here and hold you as long as you want. But we're eventually going to get hungry."

"Or, have to go to the bathroom," she added.

"Yeah, there is that."

An hour later, they were sitting on the sofa, eating Chinese takeout while the news aired in the background. Castle was about to take a bite when he noticed that Kate's hand was shaking badly. He looked at the TV and saw that it was the news footage of the search for Jerry Tyson's body. "Kate?" He called out her name, but she didn't hear him. He felt around on the sofa for the remote and clicked off the TV. He then took the food container from her hand and put it on the coffee table in front of them. He noticed that her breathing was becoming more and more rapid. "Kate? Hey, come on. Relax. Look at me, Kate," he sat on the coffee table, forcing her to look at him. He smiled at her, but she didn't smile back. Her breathing was still very fast, but at least she was now focusing on him. "It's okay. I turned off the TV. I'm safe. I'll admit that I was terrified, but I'm okay now."

"I need some water," she finally said.

"Stay here. I'll get it."

He went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water from her refrigerator. Her hand was still shaking when he handed it to her. "Thank you."

"Always," he smiled.

"I didn't even realize that it was happening again."

"What did you do when you had a panic attack when you were alone?"

"I'd just have to wait them out."

"No more."

"No," she leaned toward him and kissed him. "No more. Thank you for being here with me tonight."

Later that night, Kate awoke from a nightmare and instinctively rolled over toward Castle, seeking comfort from him without actually waking him up. She knew that he had to have been exhausted following the past couple of days. She nudged herself under his arm, feeling him curl around her, his lips smudging the top of her head. "Are you okay?" His voice was slurred with sleep.

"Yeah, it was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep. I'm okay now," she brushed her hand over his chest.

"'Kay. Love you," he said as his breathing once again evened out.

"I know," she whispered, watching him sleep and longing for the day when she could say those words back to him. "Me, too."

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	9. Merry Christmas

**DISCLAIMERS: No, not mine.**

 **SUMMARY: Post 5x09 'Secret Santa.' Kate spends Christmas Eve with Castle and his family while they help her through the first Christmas since her mother's death that she hasn't spent working. Later, Castle and Kate do some private 'celebrating' of their own.**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 9: Merry Christmas**

Castle opened the door, surprised and yet pleased, to see Kate standing there, getting ready to knock. "Hi, I was just on my way to see you," he explained.

"That's funny, because I was just coming to see you," she smiled broadly.

"What about your shift?" He asked.

"I got Karpowski to cover for me. What about your family tradition?"

"I think it's time to start new traditions."

"I agree."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Richard!" Martha called out from the dining table. "Invite the poor girl in!"

"Of course. Please come in," he stepped away from the door to let Kate inside.

Castle had described his Christmas decorations to Kate in glowing detail, but this was the first time she'd been in the loft in a few weeks and she was thunderstruck by the huge tree in the middle of the room. It reached almost to the ceiling and was covered in thousands of lights and dozens of decorations. It was by far the most beautiful tree Kate had ever seen. She stared up at it before glancing at Castle, who was standing next to her with a smile on his face. "It's beautiful," she whispered as he pulled her close and softly kissed her. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," he whispered back. "Uh, I didn't get you anything."

"What?" She pulled back from him in shock.

"What? You told me not to. You said it was too much pressure for our first Christmas. Those were your exact words."

"Since when have you ever listened to anything I tell you?"

"Well, I told my mother and Alexis," he glanced over at the table where his mother and daughter were still sitting, "and they agreed with you. If it had been up to me, I would've got you a gift."

"Castle, relax," she smiled. "I was messing with you. I didn't get you anything, either. However," she pulled his ear down to her mouth, "that doesn't mean that I don't have a gift for you later."

"Gotcha," he grinned before slipping his arm around her shoulders and guiding her to the table. "Please have a seat. I'll get you a glass of wine."

"Everything looks wonderful," Kate smiled at Martha and Alexis as they passed dishes around the table.

Castle brought her a glass of wine before taking a seat as they all began eating. After dinner, Alexis excused herself to meet Max at Wollman Rink as she'd originally planned. "So, how are Max and Alexis getting along?" Kate asked.

"Pretty well. Right now, I think they're still at the 'really good friends' stage," Castle took a drink of his wine.

"Well, 'really good friends' is a nice place to start," she reached out for his hand.

"I understand that your father goes up to his cabin this time of year. Isn't it terribly lonely up there for him?" Martha asked, taking a sip of her wine.

"Mother," Castle cautioned her, adding a shake of his head.

"No, it's okay," Kate assured him. "I used to worry about him being up there alone, especially right after he'd quit drinking. But it's too hard for him to be in the city this time of year. My mom loved Christmas. She was like Rick and she'd want to start putting everything up the day after Thanksgiving. He told me that it's just too hard to see all of the store windows and the people shopping. So, he goes up to his cabin and I work."

"Well, I'm very happy that you decided to join us tonight," Martha squeezed Kate's hand affectionately.

"Thank you."

"I'll second that," Castle smiled happily at her.

After dinner was over and everything was put away, Martha went out to join her friends for the evening, leaving Rick and Kate alone. Castle went over to start a fire in the firewall before grabbing a book and joining Kate on the sofa. "Whatcha got?" She asked when he spread the book opened across both of their laps.

"Alexis gets so embarrassed when I bring this album out, but I love showing her off."

The album was filled with photos of previous Christmases. Kate loved looking at pictures of Rick with Alexis when she was small. "She was so cute," she smiled as they flipped through the album. "You both were."

"Were? Beckett, we're both still cute."

"Yes, you are," she tipped her head up and kissed him.

"I'm glad that you're here tonight. It didn't feel like Christmas without you. Are you okay?"

"It's hard, but being with you makes it better. My mom would've loved your tree."

"Maybe next year, you can bring some of your own ornaments over."

"No, Castle!" She instantly jumped to her feet. "No!"

"Kate, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You don't understand. When my dad and I packed those ornaments away, we put them up in the attic, thus putting Christmas away forever. It took me a long time to even look at a Christmas tree. It's still hard to go to Rockefeller Center to see the tree. That was one of my mom's favorite things to do every year."

"Kate, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I understand your pain, because I don't. But I want to understand how you're feeling. When I kept going on and on about our tree and the decorations, I honestly never stopped to think of how this time of year must be affecting you. And for that, I'm very sorry."

His apology reminded Kate of the one he'd made to her early on when she'd been so angry at him for looking into her mother's murder. She knew that he wasn't a mind reader. He couldn't possibly know what upset her if she didn't tell him. "I'm sorry, too. Of course you don't understand how this feels and I hope that you never do. But I also know that you're not clairvoyant. There's no way that you can know how I feel if I don't speak up. This is something that I'm working on, so please bear with me."

Castle got up from the sofa and walked up to Kate, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer to him. His smile warmed her heart even as his lips came down on hers, capturing her in a loving kiss. Kate instinctively coiled her arms around his neck as the kiss went on, eventually forcing both of them to break for air. "I'm so happy that you're here. It wouldn't have felt like Christmas without you. Will you please stay the night with me? I want to experience waking up beside you on Christmas morning."

"That is so sweet and so romantic," she lightly touched his face with her fingertips. "Well, I did say that I had a present for you later."

"Can I unwrap it now?" He played into her teasing.

"You might want to take me to your bedroom to unwrap it. I don't want to be surprised by either your mother or your daughter."

"Yeah, that would definitely be uncool," he made a face. "Come on," he led her back toward his bedroom, shutting down the firewall before they walked past the bookshelves in his office to his bedroom.

They slowly undressed each other before crawling into the middle of Castle's bed. Castle's huge hands cradled Kate's body, his lips never leaving hers. After kissing for several minutes, he let his lips travel along her jaw, nipping and kissing his way to her neck. "You smell so good. And you feel even better. I love you, Kate."

Kate closed her eyes and sighed, longing to be able to say the words back to him. Instead, she wrapped her fingers into his hair, lightly scratching his scalp as he continued ministering to her. "I thought I was supposed to be giving you a gift, Castle," she finally managed to say.

"Believe me, you are," he lifted his head so that he could look into her eyes. "Every time I get to make love to you is a gift to me. Please let me love you."

"Okay," she pulled his head down so that she could share another long kiss with him.

Castle kissed his way down her body to her breasts, enclosing one nipple between his lips, biting gently before soothing the bite with his tongue. Kate sighed and stretched her arms over her head, giving herself over to glorious sensation. "Ummm," she hummed, rubbing her thighs together, trying to alleviate the growing ache between them. Castle glanced up at her from between her breasts and gave her a grin. She felt like slapping him, but as impatient as she was, she knew that Castle really wanted to take his time. And right now him taking his time was feeling so very, very good.

She could feel him tracing the round, puckered scar between her breasts with his fingertips. "Why do you do that?"

"Because it always amazes me what a warrior you are," he pressed his lips to the scar before sliding further down her body, his lips blazing a trail along the way.

"Oh god, Castle," she moaned, her fingers scratching his scalp. "You make me feel so fucking good."

Her hips involuntarily bucked up when she felt his mouth on her swollen folds. "Good, cause that's my plan," he mumbled from between her legs, smiling when he heard her laugh. "Laughing during sex? Seriously, Beckett?" He raised his head to look at her.

"I can't help it. Sometimes you're a very funny guy."

"Sometimes?" He started to move back up her body, but she put her hand on the top of his head and attempted to push him back down.

"Talk later. Right now, get back to what you were doing."

"Man, you're bossy."

"I'm always very bossy when I'm about to come."

"Oh, in that case, I'll get back to work."

Kate couldn't control her huge smile when she felt Castle slide back into place, his tongue and fingers doing magical things to her body. Her heels dug into the sheets, her hips thrusting against Castle as she felt the familiar tightening beginning in her pelvis. "Fuck, Castle! More! Please, more!"

Castle loved how vocal Kate was. He wanted to hear more from her, so he slowly inserted two fingers inside of her before adding a third, feeling her instantly clench around him as he angled up toward her g-spot. Her screams could wake the dead as her fingers fisted into his hair, pulling him tighter against her, her heels thrashing into the sheets. Kate was still feeling the aftershocks when she felt Castle kissing his way back up her body, keeping her on high alert. She wrapped herself around him, tasting herself on him when he kissed her.

She wrapped her leg around his hip and rolled them both over, straddling him before reaching down to guide him into her. Castle's breath stuttered in his lungs when he felt her sink down on him, taking him in deeply. "Kate, you are so beautiful," he finally managed to breathe, his hands reaching up to caress her breasts in his hands, groaning when she started to move up and down on him. "So, so fucking beautiful."

"So are you, Castle," she flattened herself on top of him, her mouth attacking his, their tongues dueling as they both moved together in seamless harmony, swallowing each other's cries of ecstasy.

***CCC***

Kate didn't know how long she'd been asleep when she felt someone shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes to see the excited blue eyes of Castle standing above her. "Kate, come on! Get up!"

"Why? Is the loft on fire?"

"No. Come on, you'll love it. I promise. But make sure you're dressed first."

Kate groaned as she got up and pulled on one of the sleep shirts that she kept at Castle's before following him into the living room. "What're we doing, Castle? You know that I don't sleep well most of the time."

"This is magic," he smiled before walking over to the huge Christmas tree and laying on the floor under it. "Come on."

Kate smiled before settling down on the floor next to him. He grasped her hand in his, bringing it up to his lips and kissing her knuckles before placing her hand on his chest. "When did you talk to my dad?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Then how would you know that my mom and I used to do this when I was growing up. She'd wake me up on Christmas Eve and we'd lay under the tree staring up at the lights. Sometimes we'd fall asleep there and my dad would find us there on Christmas morning. So, I'll ask the question again. When did you talk to my dad?"

"Okay, I might have placed a call to him."

"Please tell me that you didn't invite him here for Christmas."

"No. He made it perfectly clear that he was going to his cabin. Kate, you being here means so much to me. I love seeing you smile and I love hearing you laugh. I asked him for a special Christmas memory of you and he told me about you, your mom and the Christmas tree. I used to do the same thing with Alexis when she was small. Thank you for being here."

"You're welcome," she kissed him before turning over to stare up at the twinkling lights. "Merry Christmas, Castle."

"Merry Christmas, Kate."

 **A/N: One more chapter after this.**

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	10. The L Word

**DISCLAIMERS: No, I don't own 'Castle.' I'm just the owner of my vivid imagination.**

 **SUMMARY: Post 5x21 'Still.'**

 **A/N #1: I just recently celebrated my third anniversary of writing fan fiction for 'Castle.' The very first fan fiction story I wrote was called 'Decompressing' and it's also a post-Still story. So, I find it fitting to come full circle and end this story where I started my whole 'Castle' fan fiction adventure. And that is with 'Still.'**

 **GETTING TO KNOW YOU**

 **CHAPTER 10: The 'L' Word**

Castle held his breath as he typed in the letter 'Y' on the remote detonator. He then stared at Kate, who had been standing motionless on a small circle of metal all afternoon, thanks to a dying psychopath who had planted a bomb in his own apartment. Kate took a tentative step forward and when the world didn't blow up around her, she launched herself into Castle's chest, feeling his arms band around her tightly as he talked into his cell phone. "She's off!" He announced. "She's off." They could hear the whole bullpen erupt into cheers.

Castle could feel Kate's legs start to buckle beneath her, so he held her even tighter. "Can we please get out of here?" She whispered against his chest.

"As soon as you get your sea legs, I'll walk you out."

"Just walk with me. I'll be okay."

Castle slipped his arm around her waist and slowly walked her out of the apartment and out onto the street. Once there, she turned into him and grabbed his lapels. "Thank you for staying with me."

"Always," he grinned.

Just as they were about to kiss, they heard a bleating siren behind them. They quickly broke apart just as Ryan, Esposito and Capt. Gates emerged from the boys' car. Ryan embraced Castle while Kate hugged Esposito. "Did she see?" Kate asked as Espo shook his head.

"It's good to see you again, Det. Beckett. You too, Mr. Castle. I don't know too many men who would do what you did," Gates complimented Castle.

"Me either, sir," Kate glanced at her partner.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Detective! Kiss the man!" Gates ordered as Kate, Castle, and the boys stared at her in stunned disbelief.

"Sir? You know?"

"What? Do you think I'm stupid? I had to maintain plausible deniability. Which I can continue to do if the two of you can act in a professional manner while you're on the job."

"Sir, I know that I can, but she has a record of coming onto me at work," Castle started to say before Kate interrupted him.

"I don't think it'll be a problem, sir," Kate rolled her eyes at Castle.

"Good. Because, between you and me, I think that he deserves it," Gates leaned in toward Kate conspiratorially.

"I do, too."

As the two of them kissed a moment later, they were both thankful that Kate had survived her ordeal. "I'm going to see about taking you home," Castle could see that the day was finally starting to catch up with Kate when he once again felt her legs starting to buckle.

"Okay."

"Why don't you sit in the back of Ryan and Esposito's car?" He led her over and opened the back door for her. "I'll be right back."

Kate sat with her legs hanging out of the back door while she watched Castle walk over to talk to Gates and the boys. Her legs ached horribly now that she was off of the bomb. She took some deep breathing exercises to try to keep her emotions under control. She didn't want to fall apart. Not here. She smiled when she saw Castle striding toward her. "Are we free to go?"

"Gates ordered me to take you home and keep you there for a couple of days. She called it decompressing. So, your place or mine?"

"Mine, but I want you to see your mother and Alexis."

"I'll go home later. Right now, I want to take you home and get you settled."

"Okay," she let him take her hand and lead him over to her car where he took the keys from her and helped her into the passenger's seat.

Once they were back at her apartment, Kate pulled the ponytail holder from her hair and shook it out before grabbing a bottle of water from her refrigerator and downing more than half of it in just a few gulps. "Are you hungry?" Castle asked.

"No, just really thirsty," she began walking toward him, but her legs had other ideas.

"Whoa!" Castle caught her just as she fell into his arms. He lifted her up and carried her toward her bedroom, ignoring her protests before he placed her on the bed. "I'm going to get you out of these clothes."

"Sex fiend," she teased. "Is that all you ever think about?"

"I'm going to run you a hot bath to relax your muscles and _then_ I'm going to bring you back in here and massage your legs. And yes, that is usually all that I think about, but this time, I want to make you feel better."

"Well, sex wouldn't exactly be a problem in that department," she said as he grinned at her.

"Soon. I promise."

He removed her boots and socks before going to work on her slacks. Lastly, he helped her to sit up while he removed her shirt, leaving her in just her bra and panties. He then kissed her before leaving her to go run a bath.

Kate wasn't even aware that she'd dozed off until she felt Castle slowly removing her underwear. She groggily reached for him, tugging him down toward her, her mouth searching for his. "Hey," he whispered in her ear. "Take a bath with me?"

"Always," she gave him a sleepy smile before allowing him to take her hand and lead her into the bathroom where she found that not only had he run a bath for two, he'd lit several vanilla scented candles. He helped her into the warm tub before turning off the lights, leaving them in the soft candle light. He then joined her in the tub, climbing in behind her and pulling her to his chest once he was settled. "This is nice, Castle."

"I agree," his lips found her neck.

"I meant what I said, you know?"

"About what?"

"When I told you that I love you. When he made you leave . . . I was so scared, Rick," she turned so that she was now facing him, tears bright in her eyes. "I was so scared that I was going to die without ever seeing you again. I was so scared that I was going to die without telling you how I feel about you. I love you so much," she moved forward so that her lips could graze his.

"I love you, too," his mouth opened for her, her tongue sliding against his. "And I was scared, too. I've never felt so helpless in my life. You were standing on that bomb and there was nothing that I could do except to drive you crazy."

"Castle, driving me crazy was what kept my mind off of what was really going on. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been there with me."

"For right now, turn back around and relax," he gently turned her so that she was once again nestled against his chest. "How does a nap sound after we get out of here?"

"I thought you were going to massage my legs," she reminded him.

"Okay. How about a nap after I massage your legs?"

"Is this a sexy nap?"

"It could be. Would you like it to be?" He whispered against her neck.

"Hmmm," she hummed contentedly. "I like taking sexy naps with you. We don't get to do it often enough."

Kate settled more comfortably against Castle's chest, resting her head on his bicep. "How are you feeling? Please give me an honest answer."

"I hurt all over."

"Sit up for a second," he helped her to a sitting position before sliding out from behind her. "Move back against the tub." Waiting while she complied, Castle moved to the other end of the tub before he picked up her right leg, his hands gently massaging her tight calf muscles. He then picked up her other leg and repeated the same process. "Better?"

"Can you massage the bottom of my feet? Especially around my toes?" Kate relaxed her head against the back of the tub, humming contentedly when Castle worked on her feet. "Ummm, that's nice. I'm so relaxed, Castle."

"I think you're falling asleep on me, Beckett."

"I think I am, too," she opened her eyes and gave him a sleepy, and yet still dazzling, smile.

"Then, I think we should get you out of here," he stood up and climbed over the edge of the tub before helping her out. He loved drowsy Beckett. He loved the way that she sagged against him while he carefully dried her before leading her to her bed. "Are you still awake?"

"Hmmm," she hummed. "Rick?" She reached out for him.

"Yeah?" He crawled up on the bed beside her, propping himself up on one elbow.

"Thank you for being there today," a tear trickled from one eye, crawling down her face as she felt him carefully wipe it away. "I really thought that I was going to die."

"Shh, Beckett. Shh," he attempted to console her when she rolled toward him and began sobbing against his chest.

"I didn't want to die again! I was so scared!"

"I know," he softly stroked her hair with one hand while he rubbed her back. "I didn't want to watch you die again either, Kate. That's why I couldn't leave you."

"I love you, Richard Castle," she lifted her head up so that she could look at him. "I love you so damn much."

"Can you say it one more time?" His lips found hers as he rolled them so Kate was on her back.

"I'll say it as many times as you want me to," she grinned against the onslaught of his mouth. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Castle laughed joyously before he crushed Kate to him, his lips hungry on hers before she returned his laugh and rolled them back over. Her timing in telling him that she loved him might not have been the greatest, but there was no denying how she felt about him. He had her heart and soul. Nothing would ever change that.

 **A/N #2: So there you have it. I want to thank everybody who reviewed and added me to their list of favorite stories and writers. I am working on a new story, but I'm not sure exactly when it's going to be posted.**

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